Memories

MEMORIES

Midnight; not a sound from the pavement.

Has the moon lost her memory? She is smiling alone.

In the lamplight the withered leaves collect at my feet

And the wind begins to moan.

Memories, all alone in the moonlight

I can smile at the old days; I was beautiful then.

I remember the time i knew what happiness was

Let the memories live again.

This is part of the song 'memories' by Sarah Brightman.

I like the song. The music and the singer. Its not really meaningful, but its somewhat well written. just these 8 lines can paint out a clear picture of the scene the author is in.

My prediction is, she is probably an old woman sitting alone at midnight in a place where thers many trees around, has lamp posts and is in open air. I would say, a park. Gathering of fallen leaves depict neglect of the place. The moaning wind creates the aura of sorrow. She looks at the moon. Even though the moon seems to be smiling from above, she can sense the loneliness it feels by being up there all alone. Its a feeling they feel in common: loneliness.

Being alone in under the moonlight is also a very good condition to have self meditation. Its just u and nature. So she goes into meditation and her thoughts race back to her glorious younger days, when she used to be a beautiful lady and knew much joy and happiness in her life. She compares it back then to how it is now, and wishes that she could relive her memories.

Indeed, memories are precious belongings. They can remain with you forever, while some disappears not long after. Memories will be especially precious to old people. They have seen so many changes in life since their childhood days till date. The only thing that remains unchanged after things change are memories. They can remember their past joyful occasions, especially so when such occasions do happen anymore, or it has changed alot.

Memories of past mistakes and follies can be good or bad. it is said, the worst reason to live is to regret something. Memories of unwelcome events such as being kidnapped or raped, causing someone's death or regrets can haunt u for life. As much as u may want to, they cant be forgotten. On the other hand, it is also said, what doesnt kill u makes u stronger. u can learn from past mistakes and improve on it. This is more so for the young ones. As ppl grow older, they have less things to improve on. At the same time, more things become too late for them to regret. Regret while its still in time to solve it.

People who lose their memory through concussions or sth are so pitiful. Imagine waking up one day and realise u dunno what happened to u in your past and your origins... its like your past self has just died, and u reincarnated as a grown up. A colection of memories of past experiences can be compiled into a list that u can make conclusions from. Thats what i call cross referencing sources. haha. One can find solace in memories of joyful events. Simply thinking of them again can revive the joy. Just make sure that things did not change for the worse now, if not its gonna create sorrow instead, like for the songwriter. So, memory is a very precious and useful tool provided u use it well.

For most of yesterday i was not at home.. Early in the morning i went to church to meet up with Derrick and ivan to do some stuff for games. We spent the whole morning and part of the afternoon doing it. But derrick left halfway to go for interview. (leaver.)

Tho we finished in arly afternoon, i rather not go home yet cos i was supposed to have drum lessons at 6.30. Since both the teacher and the student was there, i had drum lesson earlier at 4.15. After that i spent more then half an hour watching arcade fighting game replays and then i did my homework. By the time i finished it was alr 7. I heard that dinner was alr ready at home, which surprises me cos my mom usualy finishes cooking at 7+, close to 8.

I found the anser only when i got back. My mom was leaving for England! I did not realise until she told me. Lucky im not a small kid anymore who needs time to get mentally prepared for her to leave. And luckily our storm from the previous night had cleared. So we left for the airport at 8.45. Upon entering the airport, i was met with many rows of japanese students in school uniforms. wonder what theyre doing here. And they all looked so nerdy and dumb. I pictured the guys in jap military uniform, assembling in rows to march into inavde singapore 65 years ago. I can imagine how the singaporean defenders would have laughed at their faces cos it doesnt suit a soldier. Ah well... hope no jap reads this.

I came back at 10.30 and i went to sort things out on my room table. I saw that i left a packet of M&Ms open, half finished and on the table. I reached in to get some and i felt sth soft. Tho the chocolates were melting, it would not feel like that. Then this big fat lizard crawled up my hand. I got shocked and in reflex, i flung it outta the window. Then i saw... my packet of M&Ms was moving! Inside, i saw a big disgusting multicoloured lizard-tail wriggling about inside... defiling my chocolates! Stupid lizard! What a waste. had to throw it away. I wouldnt have the appetite to eat it even if the lizard just had a bath.

Anyway, today my mom called the moment she arrived at London. So fast miss us alr. Aiyo. Business trippers cannot afford to be homesick. Well.. it would be a new experience not having a mom for 2 weeks. More freedom! hehe.

Treasure Uncovered!

While looking through some old books yesterday, i found a book which i had long thought lost. I was so happy to have found it. It contains a collection of literacy works which i did during my free-writing sessions in early sec 2. These consist of short writings and poems. I was really into these things during that time. But somehow i have lost both talent and interest in poetry now.

Heres one of the most interesting short writings in there. Heh. i had been writing about my dreams before i started blogging. This keeps dreams alive. Here goes.
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A divine dream
I have had millions of dreams in my life, some have been forgotten even before i woke up, some have been forgotten over a few days or weeks. However, there are dreams which will remain in my memory for years to come. These dreams must have had great impact or meaning to me, or in the case of nightmares, it must be scary and realistic.

On friday, 9 Jan 2004, i dreamt that i appeared in some place which seemed like heaven. I walked out, actually hovered out of a small room into a large hall where there were neat rows of white robed figures, about 10 rows of them and the rows seemed endless, stretching all the way back the hall. They were bowing down until their face touched the floor and were facing a large throne on a raised platform. On it sat another robed figure which looks like Jesus in all the pictures and paintings i seen. There were 2 angels standing beside him and a large white banner behind.

I then hovered to the opposite side of the hall, where there was a long corridor which was white on every side. i walked forward, each step only being able to see a little further through a thick white mist which blocked my view after a metre away. I noticed that the narrow corridor was widening as i moved on.

Soon, the white mist started to turn redder and redder until suddenly the mist was gone. In front of me was a large clearing. I was standing on the edge of a tunnel which led to a large, deep pit. Above were fast-moving clouds in a red sky. Far below was a pool of bright yellow liquid looking like molten metal and flames surrounding it. Small objects were falling from the red sky above, down into the pit.

In the instance of fear i turned and fell, then started walking back. The white mist in front of me was a relief, while it was a nuisance earlier on. Then i woke up.

This was definitely a divine dream as most parts of the dreams make sense and they also connect well. It is said that in heaven the ppl would recognise each other as brothers and sisters in christ and not as the person during life. Therefore everyone looks the same. It is also said that the narrow path of life, a more difficult life because it is filled with conviction to God's laws and discipline, shall lead towards heaven. The wide path, filled with the ways of sinful human nature, will lead to the person's destruction and the lake of burning sulphur, or hell. Also, there is a verse saying "none shall come to the father but by me." So, with Jesus in my heart and following of his laws in the less carefree narrow path, I shall be led to reaching heaven.

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k. that was what i wrote more than 2 years ago. Bear with any parts that u may not understand cos my vocab back then was worse. I may consider posting some of the poems in futur posts. I am not afraid. surely they are not that bad till it makes a laughing stock when i publicise them. wahaha.

All i want is YOU!

The past few days i have been at church camp. I shall not go into detail of what happened and what i did during the camp or the compilation may turn out to be a whole book like what i wrote for the RACE camp.

Monday 11 Jun. We met in church at 7.15 am to embark on a long and sleepy journey to our camp venue - guoman hotel in port dickson. Coach was very lousy and uncomfortable. could not rest even tho we were tired. Had lunch on the way at some hawker centre. Reached hotel and check in at abt 3. Free time till 6. Went to gabriel's room to play cards and hang around. At 6 we had a briefing and then went for dinner. Every meal in during the camp was a buffet. Breakfast, lunch and dinner i always had my fill of nice foods. I purposely pick more of the expensive foods so i dint touch rice, and veg if they r lousy. After dinner we had session 1, then went to derrick's room to hang around till past 12. Derrick is somehow very popular with the smaller JYMers. His room was swarming with them. I watched the ppl go crazy to rock music. We played cards upon pimple cream penalties. Purely sadistic gambling. its not fun to play. only fun is to see others suffer. Then we talk abt random stuff.

Tuesday 12 Jun. Woke up at 7.30 for devotions. Still very tired. Following up was breakfast, sesssion 2, tea break, session 3, lunch and then recreation time. We had choice to do anything we wanted during recreation. I went to mel's room and saw the last part of Harry Potter show. Then we had to leave cos mel wanted to sleep. I went to watch our soccer team compete against the enemy church's and meanwhile i had some peaceful moments at the nearby swamp and river. I Threw a stone at a big wasp nest on a tree and a whole legion came out. Run for my life! I ran and when i look back, i saw they dint come after me. At 6.30 we had dinner, then session 4 and ministry time. After that it was very late alr. No time for other stuff. time 2 slp.

Wednesday 13 Jun. Woke up at 7.50. Missed devotion. Same pattern as ytd - breakfast, session 5, tea break, session 6 and recreation time. I spent the recreation time at the beach... collected humus under the seabed and planned to bring home to use as fetriliser. I saw darren and co catching innocent sea creatures stranded on the beach on low tide. Then i walked towards the furthest rock above the surface. But i decided to turn back halfway. The next hour and so was spent playing roaming the beach for nice seashells and playing gooseberry on daniel & joanne, Claudia and Ryan, and my parents. Marcus, aikhong and mel were also wandering aimlessly on the beach. Later i brought the humus back to the room to check it out. After removing much water from it, it had a really funny texture like nothing i felt b4. When i turn it upside down, it does not come out, yet its not solid or jellylike. I can poke my finger thru it. It can hit hard when thrown. In the end i decided to throw it away. After that we had dinner, session 7 and ministry again. This time the pastor prayed for whole families at one time so i was dragged along by my mom. Mine was the last family to be prayed for. Somehow the pastor dint seem to like us. It ended at 12+. Another night of late sleep.

Thrusday 14 Jun. Woke up at 8. Time to have breakfast. Then we had our last session for the camp, and then we took a camp photo in which evryone was inside so our faces look like dots. we packed up the place and our belongings and placed then in the ballroom. Then we had our last meal in the camp and assembled in the lobby by 1.30. The camp was declared closed. It had been 4 days, 3 nights but yet it seems much shorter. Shows i was havin a good time. After a headcount and last check if atg was left behind before boarding the bus and head for home. This time we took a shorter but less smooth route. The bus went along a long dirt road full of twists and turns and uneven ground. I was trying my best to rest so that i wont feel so giddy or nauseus. I felt very giddy for awhile and then the next thing i knew we were on the mainroad again. Perhaps i actually fainted. ;) The bus took a stop at a yoyo shop where we Qd up to relieve ourselves and steal free samples of tidbits. We reached church at 8+. What happened after that is no longer related to the camp alr.

Notes about the camp
1. one of the scenes in 'Harry Potter :Goblet of Fire ' which i saw on the 2nd day of camp was so similar to the scene about the maze in my dream which i mentioned in the previous post. It was like a Deja Vu. The similarities: The maze is made out by pruned plants. It was nighttime. The plants in the dream was about the same height as the one in Harry Potter. Differences: The maze in my dream was narrower. The moonlight did not reach the floor like in the show. The plants in my dream did not attack. k thats it. But its similar enough. Many ppl have related me to Harry Potter. This is weird.

2. I realised something rather disturbing during the 2 ministry sessions. While i saw everyone out there were being slain one by one, i remained unmoved. The people were especially likely to succumb to being slain by the Canon Fred. But when he prayed for me, i dint feel anything. My heart is made of concrete! My bro and did not fall either and my parents told me they hardly felt anything too. It seems theres a resistant gene in my family. Like a resistant strain of bacteria that is immune to being killed by antibiotics, im immune to being slain by the spirit. Although this may be a physical strength, i consider it a weakness in spirit. Empowerment comes with a close relationship with God. This factor may be whats inhibiting my spiritual growth. Can anyone help me? ><

Another trip to dreamland...

While still in dreamland this morning, i had another strange dream. But not only is this strange, its confusing too. I have not recently encountered anything that has likeness to the events in it. I specially write out the whole dream in as much detail as possible so that you can enter that dream i was in by picturing it out through imagination. I hope you all will be able to... :)


I was in a room with dark concrete walls and no electric lights. The scene was a blur. the place was lighted by the sunlight from a few small windows behind me. I figured it was a hospital. A low quality hospital. There were rows of beds somewhere to my left and nurses were dashing about before my eyes. When things became clearer, i saw the nurses were pushing those beds on wheels past me, and on them were human figures covered with a white cloth like what youll see when a fresh corpse is transferred to the morgue. One by one, many corpses were carried away before me. At that point it was already frightening.

Next, i was in front of this hospital bed and someone was meddling with a corpse on it. He uncovered the cloth on the bottom half of the corpse and there was a big hole in its abdomen area. (the hole's diameter was about half the length of the right of the waist to the left.) Inside the hole was a pool of vile fluid. a mixture of yellow and red, like tomato ketchup and mustard sauce mixed. The person proceeded to use a scoop the size of a teaspoon to fish out some inanimate wormlike objects floating in the fluid and put them in a bowl. The objects were as big as the spoon. I was irked and so i ran to the exit of the room to my right and there was darkness for some time.

Ethereal travel. I was transported to somewhere which was worlds apart from the previous scene. Judging from the sky it was nighttime. But i could see my surroundings cos the place was illuminated by the gloom of moonlight, brighter than ever seen on earth. It was as if there was a full moon and it came twice as close to the earth. In front of me was a wooden bridge. I stood on the bridge and looked onto a slowly flowing stream. The clear shallow waters sparkled in the moonlight. There were cattail plants which were taller than me sprouting along the banks. Up from the waters, small glowing, bluish-white figures were emerging out floating upwards into the air, like tiny spirits. The place filled me with a sense of peace, comfort and serenity.

Suddenly i heard people coming. Near the opposite side of the bridge, a suspension bridge (like those you see in jungle adventure camps, made of wood planks and ropes or chains) hung a few meters above in mid air, perpendicular to the bridge. On it, i saw a whole bunch of my schoolteachers walking across, chatting with each other. I somehow had this sense to try to hide so that i can see them but they cant see me. So i ran to the other side of the bridge and observed as they walked past. Then i turned around and was met with darkness.

I entered into a long maze. The area around me from my shoulders down were shrouded in pitch darkness. To my left and right, there were bonsais which were about 4 metres tall, pruned in the shape such that it created the maze. the maze was just wide enough for me to walk through. The path twisted and turned, and i just kept going about using my sense of touch. I felt helplessly lost in darkness.

Then i came to the point where, finally, the moonlight shone right in and lighted up the place again. Ahh. the light at the end of the tunnel. I emerged from the maze and found myself in a familiar place which i recognise to be east sussex lane , a place where i walk past everytime i return home from school. it was such a relieving feeling to be in a familiar place after being lost.

I went over the hilly road of east sussex lane and reached holland road. Cars were blurly zooming about on the main road and i could only see the cars' outlines and headlights. Then everything became misty and i seemed to drift across the main road, with cars goin past me less than a metre away or maybe even through me. I passed through the fence in the middle of the main road and stopped on the oppostite side of the road, where the bus stop that i wait for my homeward bus was. I lay down on the hard metallic bench, but it seemed so comfortable. The next thing i knew, i was back on planet earth, lying on my comfortable bed. The end.

I took the trouble to revise through my usage of words so that i will create an as accurate as possible account. But the descriptions are based on the 'screenshots' i have in my head. It may be different from the real dream itself due to mind matters. I wish there is a real modern day joseph here to interpret my dream. I bet its gonna be a hard task for him cos the dream is made up of non-matching-context scenes. Meanwhile, Mr. Derrick Joseph Wong can give some suggestions according to your dream book? hehe.

Join me in this!

I have seen this appearing on a number of blogs alr. So i guess its becoming an IN thing among us SJCers. K. follow these instructions clearly.

20 people you can think of right now at the top of your head. Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 20 people.
Ok. Here goes. These 20 listed here are the ones I thought of. I restricted 2 sjc, tho.

1. Stacey
2. Sarah
3. Karina
4. Denise
5. Claudia
6. Kaixin
7. Collin Kam
8. Joyce Teo
9. Joyce Lyn
10. Kester
11. Lawrence
12. Kenny
13. Stone
14. Derrick
15. Aikhong
16. Ivan
17. jeremy
18. daniel
19. joanne
20. Joel pang

As an exercise, try thinking of how each name links to the next. Heh.

How did I meet 14? (Derrick)
Long long time ago, in a galaxy near to mine. I rmb he was in SPK as a small kid.

What would I do if I never met 1? (Stacy)
Say hello.. and maybe abit more if theres an occasion to do so.

What would you do if 20 and 9 dated? (Joel pang and joycelyn)
Well... i once heard joel sayin to pastor henry: "do u want me to take care of your daughter?" =)
I wun do anythin if they date one day. gooseberry isnt a nice thing to play.

Did you ever like 19? (joanne)
Of Course! I still do now.
As a sister in christ. dun get me wrong! cool down, daniel!

Would 6 and 17 make a good couple? (Kaixin and jeremy)
Dun think so. their character is a world apart.

Describe 3. (Karina)
Hmm... cute, cordial, the more innocent type. Has a nice kiddy voice. I have yet to see an angry Karina. Good social and interaction skills. So far shes the only 1 whom i can talk a lil 'cheem' to on msn and she still understands.

Do I think 8 is attractive? (Joyce teo)
Er... to a certain extent. She has one type of face that can look very pretty or very ugly depending on the angle of view and facial expression. Can be improved by growing taller. ;) Character wise, im not sure. Ive yet to noe abt that.

Do I know any of 12's family? (Kenny)
Yah. Eva, Helen and Khairon.

What's 8 favourite tee? (joyce teo)
how would i noe? i neva see her wearing tees except for the one joel pang lent her for GDOP.

What would you do if 18 confesses that he/she likes you? (Daniel)
He doesnt need to. i noe he does. And i like him too. Rite, daniel?
As a brother in christ. Dun get me wrong! Cool down, daniel!

What language does 15 speak? (Aikhong)
Singlish and Chinese.

Who is 9 going out with? (Joycelyn)
Hint* I see her with Kester Kiong alot of times.

how old is 16 now? (Ivan)
21.

When was the last time I spoke to 13? (Stone)
As a group; 4 Jun. During DG. Face to face; the last drum lesson.

What's 2's favourite band/singer? (Sarah)
Fountains of Wayne! Cos one of its song is all about her.

Would you ever date 4? (Denise)
Nah. She will just fall asleep.

Would you ever date 7? (Collin Kam)
No. He's taken.

What's 10's last name? (Kester)
Kiong Kah Kuoy! Correct me if im wrong.

Would you be in a serious relationship with 11? (Lawrence)
No. i dun wish to spoil ppl's relationships.

What school does 3 go to? (Karina)
MGS. Matt Guru School. Therefore she has to take on the name Karina Maria Matt.

Where does 6 live? (Kaixin)
Somehwere among the peaceful rows of houses along the road which goes to somehwere near Nanyang girls school.

What's the favourite thing about 5? (Claudia)
Getting shocked easily and screaming loudly upon shock. Funneeeee!!

Have you seen 1 naked? (Stacy)
No. Theres no opportunity for me to. And even if there is, i wont take it.

The past few days had been a hard time for me.. but nevertheless, i still survived.
31 May. My F&N teacher suddenly demanded my O level coursework from me and told me that it is the deadline alr. I asked her if it was supposed to be my final edition.. she said "of course." I rmb hearing that the final edition was to be handed up during term 3, but i was just not very sure. And now, she told me its today. She extended my deadline to 2 Jun.
So of course, i was in a big hurry.. i started doing all my editing the moment i switched on the comp, and then i realised there was no more printing paper. I called my mom to bring back some, and that day she came back very late. When she came back, i was doing other stuff.. then suddenly the comp turned off, and could not start again. I havnt printed it out yet. Such a coincidence of bad luck.

1 Jun. Nothing could be done to revive the comp. the motherboard was blown. The only option offered was to bring the comp to Derrick's place at 10pm so he could fix it. Not Derrick wong, but Uncle Derrick; Kester Bin Derrick. He extracted my hardisk into his comp and i printed out my stuff. When i returned it was alr abt 12. What a relief to have solved such a big problem... i thought.
The streets were still filled of traffic and pedestrain, much more than i expected. It was the 1st time in my life i spent the 1st minute of the day in a car. When i reached home, i suddenly realised i forgot to print out the bibliography! The whole coursework would be disqualified without it. So i had to make up a few websites, and write the it out.. handwritten. My list of 15+ websites became just 6 fake websites. By the time i finished it was alr 1+.

2 Jun. I had to wake up at 6.20 for remedials. Went to school like a zombie. then the teacher broke the news that the final draft deadline IS actually term 3. I was angry, dissapointed and many more with that teacher. She actually lied to me cos she tot i wasnt listening in class and she wanna make me pay for that. But i was jus wanting to confirm. Can that teacher be charged for lying out of malice? ^^

That night i went for ARTstravaganza. That is the first concert GMSS has ever held and is meant to be its 30th birthday celebration. After my nap i woke up at 3.50. I was told to meet at sch at 4 cos i was involved in ushering. So i went to the venue (Singapore Poly) straight. Then when i reached there i realise the concert actually starts at 7, and the meeting in sch was actually for a briefing. So i had nth to do there.. except to look at art pieces and watch the ppl do rehearsals. The rest of the scouts came at 6+. We had to squat at a corner to have our miserable packet beehoon dinner. Then at 6.30 we were stationed around the place until 7.25 to guide ppl to the theate and make sure no ordinary ppl parks at the VIP slots. Super borrring.

Cos of the stupid ushering duty, the scouts had the worst seats (cos its free seating) and i missed 25 mins of the concert. The concert was a number of performances put up by the Military band, dance club, chinese orchestra and school choir, as well as some solos or duets by specially invited ppl such as a ex talent search winner. shes a malay, but she sings like a typical ang moh. The concert was quite interesting on the whole, and tickets cost only $5. Certainly many times more worth than Joyce Teo's band concert, which cost $15, only performed by the band and is much shorter in duration. Anyway, for both concerts i got the tickets from sum1 who could not make it so i didnt pay... and in both cases nobody checked if the ppl entering had tickets.
After the concert it was alr abt 9.30. For fun and exercise, i walked all the way back home from SP. I somehow did not feel tired, but after i reached home, all the energy was sucked outta me.
Time for another refreshing sleep.

3 Jun. That is, today. My comp is finally fixed and was delivered here in the morning. It seemed like a really long time since i used the comp tho its only 2 days ago. Looks like this comp is becoming too big a part of my life...
heh. anyway, all is fine now. i can free my mind of troubles.. for now at least. :)

Signing off here.