The Wake

(this is a very belated post)

So the funeral ended on friday, and ends the 4-day episode following my grandmother's passing. Life for all of us seems to just return to normal immediately after that. But during those 4 days, it was rather long and sometimes dramatic.

By 10pm on tuesday, the day of her passing, i still have not heard of any arrangements, plans and details. When actually much had been going on all day - my parents busy settling the matter and making arrangements for the funeral. they must have been too caught up and just forgot about me, because i only heard slightly past ten that the wake had actually already started, and i was to be there at 10am the next morning. Such a sudden piece of news, i had hardly any time to prepare to leave the base and go home to sleep. But i just quickly left, thinking i would be back again the next day. But to make it worse, when i got home, my parents told me i was to be away from YWAM for the next 3 days!

I was totally caught unprepared. There i was, most of my stuff still left in base, and having to spend 3 days unavailable to go out; yet with lots of free time, and no material to pass the time with. Inexperienced with funerals, i blamed them for not telling me earlier of what is involved in a wake, and they retaliated back with scolding. It was a really bad night, cause for the whole night i was feeling the strong negative energy of death, worry, and anger. Typing an email to the go-fest team in the late of night helped to dissipate some of it.

the next morning, my parents seemed all fine again, friendly to me once again - in fact somehow more friendly and softened, not mentioning anything about our quarrel last night. The go-fest team went to check their emails, and soon after the word quickly spread around, to the whole ywam base, and to connect as well. smses of condolences and encouragements started coming in.
Arriving at the wake for the first time, the atmosphere felt rather solemn, though not morbid. Christian funerals are never as morbid as traditional Buddhist and Taoist funerals with lots of hell paper burning, priests chanting, altars and offerings, people weeping and gnashing of teeth. (ok im kidding about that last part.) On the other hand, Christian funerals are bright, white, a serene calm atmosphere, lots of flowers to decorate, and comforting banners proclaiming God's word about eternal life. In this case, a large banner behind the coffin displayed John 11:25, with english and chinese versions side by side -

"Jesus said: I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believes in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live."
“耶稣说：复活在我，生命也在我。信我的人，虽然死了，也必复活。”
and this became like our theme/motto throughout the wake and services.

One thing i wanted to do, but was hesitant to at first, was to take a look to see my grandmother in her embalmed state. I did not know what to expect, and mentally prepared myself to be freaked out. What i saw was indeed unexpected - her facial expression looked like she was praying, her face were a few shades darker than naturally, and crimson lipstick applied. A big difference from the sickly, deteriorating old lady i saw on Saturday.

Having to stay around from morning till night with hardly anyhting to do, i was indeed restless. first spending a few hours adapting to the facilities-deprived place, and finally settling down on one of the tables, eating peanuts and reading the bible. I felt like i was lost in a void. Time passed slowly, but when looking back at how the time passed, i stood clueless.

Despite my words in the email to the go-fest team playing down the idea of coming down to see me at the wake, i was surprised when quite a few indicated that they would willingly travel all the way from east to far west to attend the wake of someone they never knew. Some of them i might have expected would come, and also some i never thought would come.

They arrived just on time for the 8pm service, bringing carefully-thought bubble teas for me. And it happened that they came in 2 separate groups, each getting me a bubble tea, unaware that the other had gotten me bubble tea as well! When the second bubble tea was presented to me when i already had one in hand, sure made quite a hilarious moment.

They also got a specially made wreath for me, with my name on it (condolences on the demise of my grandmother). I was stunned to see the huge wreath - for i had asked for a very small wreath if theyre gonna get one. the message probably didnt get through.

for the memorial service, the people from her church came and made us sing chinese hymns.. which actually didnt sound so bad. however it was spoilt by the chinese-english interpreter singing in english in the background. It is obvious that his english was not very good; he is more a chinese speaker. when he was interpreting for the sermon, his translation was rather inaccurate, or missing out the essence in the original chinese sermon. It could work both ways that he didnt put across the message very clearly in english - because i found the sermon really bad. Perhaps it might be the usual bible-presbyterian style of preaching, but i dont support it at all - the sermon was about the suffering of hell, and then saying this is a chance for non believers to turn to Christ and its too late when you die. A sermon which should have been to comfort the bereaved instead was used as a platform for hard-line altar call. It was totally unconvincing and offensive. If i were a non-believer listening to the sermon, i would have just walked off, taking along a bad impression of christians.

then my dad went up to say a few words about his mom. he made his speech with a straight face, sometimes even joking. Cant believe he broke down and cried the day before - i probably missed the only chance to see him crying. He must have loved his mom a lot. after he spoke, the pastor called for anyone else to go up to speak, but after a minute of awkward silence, still nobody went.

we entertained guests until the last one left, then packed up and left at midnight, leaving my uncle to watch over the place.

the next day, my parents went back in the morning, but i did not have to. i just slept the morning away, slacked around for a while, then just as i was about to get into doing some productive stuff, it was time to go back to the wake.

A suspicious man who looks like in his 30's went up to the area where all the food and bags are placed. standing behind the railings of the pavilion, he spied into our bags and asked my auntie if he could borrow money. when refused, he still stuck around, until she offered him a packet drink, then he left. we shifted our bags to a more secure location after that, leaving only non valuable stuff at the corner.


the second night sermon was so much better than the previous - much more fluent interpreter, much more convincing and inspiring sermon. there was still an element of call to receive Christ, but in a gentle manner, and with much more explainations to substantiate. one thing i didnt like though, was the speaker repeating the verse John 11:25 more than 20 times in his sermon. i could tell the interpreter was getting sian of translating the same thing over and again!


my uncle and uncle-in-law went up to say words for my grandmother this time. pretty good testimonial speech from the both of them. the speakers also mentioned a few testimonies about her. these really turned my view of her - from a sickly, senile old woman to a peaceful, thankful one who loves God very much, and was very active in her church when she was still well.



when it was time for the passing off around the coffin, i suddenly realised there were several jymers who came. i did not know or expect it. more people from church came later, even after service, and stayed for just a while. The last guest left at 12, and my parents went home to rest too. Then there was just left me and joel at the wake, and we commenced our guard duty. We had to hold out till 4am, when our parents would come back again.


Even after midnight, there was quite still quite a lot of activity going on in the neighbourhood. I was restless most of the time.

At 1am, the suspicious man from this afternoon came back again. once again he went straight to the corner with food and bags. joel was sitting nearby, and the man asked him if he could have water. joel passed him one on the table, but the man requested a cold one instead. Good thing i went up too to keep watch on him - he continued to stare into the bags even as i kept an eye on him. he probably wanted to take the opportunity when joel was taking drinks from the freezer to make a quick snatch from the bags.


At 1.30, 2 malay boys came straddling along past the wake site. i knew they were up to no good. they came and asked if there is any food. i found a few pieces of broccoli, that was all that was left. then they asked for water - i gave it and they went on their way, this time saying a word of thanks, unlike the strange man.


quiet after 2. burned cups and peanuts. peanut artillery
came back at almost 4

heavy rain, cant see screen, flooded drains. cant cross, path flooded.
skies crying. unsuitable for burial. dead cat on the roadside on the way there
service before leaving, very late. rain lowered
last look, coffin opened to put in favourite bible.
still drizzling, cracking of thunder. dramatic, lucky no lightning.
cck cemetery, lawn cemetery.
carpet grass and cow grass. calculative
flat nice land, doesnt look morbid.
stepped across and over graves, gather around burial pit
standing around the pit, holding umbrellas, saying last words in the rain.
rain pettering down on the coffin, soaking the charcoal.
threw in flowers, land covered up.
see efforts for land conservation.
wake site, everything being diamantled and cleared up. so many beautiful flowers gone to waste. took one wreath home, plucked those from gofest wreath and planted them around the neighborhood.
go home, long rest concludes.
why so emotional? must have loved her a lot.

The Lord welcomes her

Just as i was settling in for a sumptuous picnic lunch with my prayerwalk team, an unexpecting phone call from my mom informed me that my grandmother had just passed away this morning.

I had no immediate reaction. I didnt know how to react. In fact, i just kept a straight face, continued eating, talking and playing. I didnt tell them so as not to spoil the happy mood. It all seems like nothing happened. But inside, i was feeling all morbid, and had the sentimental feeling i get when i realise that someone i know is gone forever. It was especially strong this time, since the person is not just a friend's relative, a parent's friend, a church member, or a distant relative. This time, it is my own grandmother, whom i have known all my life.

The news came as quite a shock to me, cause i just saw her on Saturday, when the grandparents are routinely fetched to my place and taken care of for the day. She still could walk, still could talk and eat. Though i could see she was really weak and suffering from the unknown huge throat lump, she was not in any apparent critical or life-threatening condition. I had expected her passing to come with a little more warning.

On saturday, after seeing her in her weak state and just imagining the suffering she must be going through with that huge lump in the throat - which caused her difficulty eating, talking and breathing; made worse by the phlegm that she had to constantly cough to clear, i thought that it would be better if my grandparents were taken home to the Lord without having to deteriorate slowly and suffer in the process.
I even made a post on my facebook wall saying, "I would rather the Lord take them suddenly, than to see them slowly deteriorate like this." it was referring to my grandparents. Of course i didnt go so far as to wish them dead. But a few days later, the Lord really took her.

Did God grant my request, or was it just His timing?

Perhaps this would be a good time to write a testimony for my grandmother.
My grandmother was probably born to a poor family. She was uneducated, and was a housewife ever since she married. my grandfather didnt earn much either, and they lived in meagre conditions during my dad's younger days too. By God's grace though, my dad managed to break out of the poverty.
I dont know when she became a christian - it might have been even after i was born.

She briefly took care of me when i was young. she would visit me quite often. But i was never close to her - main reason being that she spoke cantonese and extremely little english, while i spoke english and extremely little cantonese.
But i could see that she really adored her grandchildren - whenever i visited her, she would have snacks or yakult bought just for me and Joel. they were not leftovers. When they visited, she would also bring those stuff along to give me. Even when my parents visited them and i didnt, she would pass it to my parents to bring back. During chinese new year and birthdays, she would give big hongbaos.

But just recently about 3 years ago, the time came when she suddenly became senile. She forgot everything that happened in recent times, and couldnt even remember my name. she only knew i was someone related to her, and that i once was a small boy. therefore whenever she saw me, she would repeat over and over again what means "such a big kid already!" in cantonese. needless to say, there were no more snacks, gifts and hongbaos too.

both she and my grandfather deteriorated significantly over the past 3 years. some were so fast and sudden we were totally unprepared for what comes next. And finally came the mysterious lump, which is what i believe pushed her body beyond what it can bear.

But one thing i really admire in her, is that even after she became senile, God's name was always on her lips. at night, she would be sitting and staring into space, softly muttering prayers and thanksgiving and singing short phrases. She would repeat the same thing over and over again like a broken tape recorder. I believe it is to God's delight that this 'broken tape recorder' was stuck at this recording.

Throughout her years of suffering and being senile, she always remained so calm and peaceful, almost like she's in her own paradise. Everything we do for her, she would always thank us. Indeed she is a prime example of one having the peace of God which surpasses all understanding.

Now she has finally made it back to her true home. I am not sad, in fact i am happy for her. Her sufferings are over, her perfect form restored, and joy shall fill her days for eternity. Perhaps she can remember me again now, but she will be too busy rejoicing with God to spare a thought about Earth.

Whats up?

1. This is a sight i came across at Woodlands after my music class.

No he is not dead or injured or whatever. He is listening to his MP3 and trying to sleep, on a public stairway at a not so quiet time, also trying to ignore everyone around. People were walking past every few seconds, casting disgusted or disdained looks at him. Some avoided him; some going halfway up and seeing him, would turn down and go up the other side. He was seen not just like dirt, but more like filth. I wonder why he chose to sleep in such an awkward place, awkward position to attract such negative attention. thats not up to me to speculate.

What could i have done in reaction to this situation? it just made me wonder. I pray that we wont end up like this man, and neither would we be like that woman who just walked right past without a care.


2. I have seriously, significantly gained weight. I have gained weight during my time in America, and the same amount again within 2 months of coming back. But the biggest weight gain i believe would be in the past 2 months; and i have not weighed myself since.
I need no weighing scale - my pants can testify for it. One pair i wore in USA fitted comfortably, but is now bursting from my figure and unable to button. A pair or jeans i bought was too big despite being the smallest available, it would just fall off without a belt, but not anymore now.

People say the way to lose weight is to eat less, exercise more. Yes i have been eating more and not being hesitant to ever since i went to Disney, but i didnt gain much weight until, i started exercising! Yes it was all for the sake of Napfa that i trained more seriously - and the result is that it made me big. Though its a large consolation that i put on mostly muscle, i have irreversibly destroyed the petite figure i once had. Hahah.

3. The first time i talked to my parents regarding staying over in YWAM base during weekdays, i was met with an immediate strong objection. The objection mainly came from my dad.
The next time, i talked to my dad alone. I thought it would be better to talk to them separately, so that they wont influence each other against me. He still firmly maintained his stand, shrugging aside any explainations i give, and holding to his hardline statement: "youre part of this family, this is your home, as far as it is possible, you stay here."

Then i tried talking to my mom. And she went to sit with my dad, then asked me to talk! So no choice, i was prepared to have my dad hear the conversation and throw in his negative comments and skew my mom's thoughts away from me.
But that was not the case.
I realised, my mom was never against it. She never really said anything for or against it. She was neutral, and wanted to consider between mine and my dad's views. So i said my piece, and surprisingly, my dad kept quiet until i finished.
Then he said, "i guess it would be a good learning experience for you. But make sure you really learn something useful when youre there..."
He totally made do without his stand that he so firmly held to the previous time!
Indeed, God is mighty to change people and soften their hearts, mystically and miraculously! Thats also a sign that i should be staying in YWAM after all.

4. I have joined in with an initiative among the go-fest team to fast from a certain something for 40 days, until the time of go-fest. Without needing much thinking, i decided i would fast from activities after midnight - cause it was something ive been regularly doing and i know its not very good. many times it just goes out of control.

It has been so far so good, though suffering slight withdrawal symptoms when i feel the urge to do sth more before i sleep. However, i can see a greater struggle coming, as i would have to miss the World Cup Finals!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh......

Ive already been missing the 2.30am matches and feeling quite sour about it. But at least i got to watch the 10pm ones (like the very exciting match between germany and argentina). This time, its the finals! the ultimate, biggest, supposedly most exciting match of the whole game - and its at 2.30am!
Well, discipline comes with a cost. Endure the pain to train myself for worse ones to come. Some i foresee include the go-fest bunch having fun late into the night. Enjoy without me, guys! .....