What really matters

The past week has been a truly trying time for me. The usually happy and carefree me was thrown into a pit of depression, which at one point i wondered how i could ever get out of it. It just seemed that my whole life was a failure, void of hope. Not that they were doing very well before that, but suddenly, in one week, all the areas in my life that i had clung onto - my friends, social status, studies, and career - just seemed to crumble to the bottom. It felt like the whole land beneath me sunk into the ocean, leaving me with nothing to stand on.

So that was when i decided i really needed to pray. more than before. i see the truth in the saying that only desperate and broken people would really seek God. I had been praying for those things for ages, and i guess after all this time, i received the answer 'no'. It seems the God did not destine me for greatness. Not in the eyes of the world at least.

Putting aside all those areas that were failing, i looked at the areas that had not failed. They included my family, my health, and God. How ironic it is that those areas i put effort into failed, whereas the areas i pretty much neglected did not fail!  Moreoever, the latter is much more important, just often taken for granted. I am indeed blessed that i have them. How much more, if i invest into these areas, would they improve!
This brings to light what i had recently gone through in the past few sessions of DG - getting priorities right. All those things that mattered so much to me should not be meaning that much.

I realise, God was breaking down all those areas to get rid of all the distractions... Removing the clutter in my heart to make room for Him. And no, He wasnt forcing his way into my life; it was actually what i had long asked for - to grow deeper in relationship with Him - yet i was unable to do so on my own will and discipline. There was simply not enough room for Him in the limited space in my heart. It required a hard approach like this to reach out to my hardened heart.

As if God was clearly speaking to me, the daily bread passage on that day, as well as the 2 sermons the coming sunday all somewhat pointed to my situation.

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see"
"They did not receive the things promised, thye only saw them and welcomed them from a distance." - Heb 11

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." - 2 cor 12:9

Faith is having Unabated confidence in God, knowing that He is in full control, and His will is of utmost importance. It is not believing that all i ask for will be given to me - even if they are good things.
Is his will of utmost importance to me? Is seeking His will more important to me than receiving the answer i want? What if He wills that i be deprived of all these things? Will i trust that His grace is sufficient for me?