The last days of FC

The time is coming, for the final farewell to Farrer court. this is my last weekend here. More than half of the residents have moved out, leaving the block blacked out for most of the units at night. the car park which would be full by evening now has so many empty slots even when we come home at 10pm. half of our stuff are all packed into boxes ready to be shifted over, leaving the house looking much emptier than it used to be.

the reality hasnt really sank in yet - in a few days time i would be leaving my home of 18 years forever. in a way it is similar to your parents leaving forever and getting adopted by new ones. it would cease to be my home, all the physical reminders of the past which cant be brought along will vanish with the buildings as they get demolished. any amount of pictures and videos wont be able to make up for it.

i will miss the convenient walks to church

being located near a main road and not far from orchard

the view of tame nature just outside the window

all around the estate there are so many places which remind me of my past, especially during childhood.

the playground where i ran and played and bullied smaller kids
the canal where we walked in all the way to the end (more thrill when theres water)
the multistorey carpark where i watched kids practice taekwondo
the field where we splashed around after the rain, got dirty and played bambooed sparklers

the void deck where i played soccer with joel's friends

the wild vegetation area where i tortured the plants and looked for insects

the desolate place outside the estate where Ricky is buried

in the house there is also much to reminisce about

the toilet where i played with soap in the bath, getting all wrinkled after that

the wall which still has traces of drawings

the floor we played toys on.

the table which snails crawled over

the chair i supposedly peed on (dun even rmb doing it)

the balcony where my bean plants grew (the new house doesnt have one)

the spots of supernatural sightings

the spot on which Ricky died in a pool of blood

the store room, kitchen, kitchen toilet, study room also have their share of memories.

while packing up stuff, i also found lots of items and documents which had been stored away for many years and forgotten since, but as i looked through them, each one brings back memories of the past, having a tale to tell and sometimes reflecting how i was back then. its almost nostalgic, getting me lost in the past during that time. but some things are too inconvenient to bring along or we find it not worth bringing, and would have to be abandoned.

well what to do.. when you got to go, you have to go. at least i have the holidays to settle into the new home and surroundings. i will always remember farrer court, but no point missing it.

C'est Fini!

The time has come at last... the end of the semester! i have been waiting for this.
what lies ahead for the next few weeks is a time free of studies and projects!
i shall never forget the torment of the projects this semester, made worse by the problems with my groupmates. A torture then, but a learning experience now as i look back.
this break is a well needed breather... hopefully ill spend the time wisely and fruitfully.

my 40 days of game fasting by right ended some days ago, but i continued it cos there was no time to play anyway. now that my hols has come, its time to indulge once again!
during my fast, sometimes i would suddenly think of the games and the urge would hit me. but it just distracts, feeling itchy. doesnt really push me to the edge of breaking my fast.
there was some cheats though. it was not a strict fast with absolutely no gaming, which i might have otherwise been very tempted to break.

first, a little allowance to play C&C3 on friday nights. second, allowed to play viwawa games without any specific restrictions. this is a real big cheat, cos i realised viwawa can effectively compensate for other games when the urge strikes. its more entertaining (and maybe addictive) than i thought! when i have the time, i could even spend hours on viwawa.

still, it seems like a very long time since i ever touched Dota, and a few others i still have interest in. yeah, i can finally return to it. plucked out of the frozen folder, into the spring of desktop.
i shall commit, though, not to spend the whole day playing games.
i gotta find several other things to do...

a random note: my ears have changed! i am very sure they used to have ear lobes, like when they talked about it in science lessons long ago, i remember feeling those big wobbly lobes of mine. and i thought lobeless ears were ugly.
then just recently i realised my lobes are now gone! the whole bottom part of the ears is fixed to the head... is it natural? could there be a scientific explaination to this gradual loss of earlobes? i really thought such body features would stay even as people grow up...

Gifts.

Table tennis olympics finals.. never saw such an intense ping pong match before. the ball just went flying back and forth so fast i dont know where its going, and then its finally broken by a silly mistake and cheers from the crowd. other than that, interesting fast action.

i was so happy to see Feng tianwei player win the first set in the first match.. but what came thereafter was just disappointment. then came Li jiawei, also showing much promise on the first set, then lost the rest badly. worse than the first match.

well one thing can be seen - our players only have stamina and concentration for one set. so pathetic. on the other hand, the chinese take 1 set to warm up, and from then on are awakened to full potential. seriously obvious.. the chinese keep making mistakes on the first set, then 2nd, 3rd and 4th is full of the Sings making mistakes, while the chinese repel even the hardest attacks. our players keep shooting off court and under net countless times... whats their problem man. so malu for an olympic finals competitor.

lost hope after seeing jiawei play even worse and lost the 2nd match too. come the doubles, i see the Wang yuegu so fat, like cannot make it lor! haha. true enough, got trashed upside down, inside out. well, those china women are not world no1 and 2 for nothing. plus its in their home country.. got patriotism morale boost. anyway, singapore should just be happy with silver medal. even if win gold medal, the credit would still go to china. cos where did all the 3 singapore players and their coach come from? All china-born. wheres our local talent man..

Today's jym sermon, mentioned about the 12 gifts. i have been feeling so useless and that nothings going right lately, but when i came to think of those gifts, i had all except 2 of them. all in varying amounts, but at least i had a reasonable amount of it. and just because of those 2 areas that were doing badly recently, it so made my life seem so like a failure, and i failed to look at the other 10 and cherish them. well those are really very big areas, but small compared to the 10 i have, put together.

As Ivan said, the main faith-shakers for men would be problems in ambition and success related factors, while for girls its relationship and social factors. Well i have been faced with both ever so much in recent time, both shaking me equally bad.

also about gifts, i was kinda shocked at how critical i was towards some gifts i received. i mean there were really areas to criticise about, but i realise i ought to just be thankful that i got something, and accept it appreciatively. ah, i was not like this before.. i realy pray that i be cured of this bitterness.

Memoirs of a cell

When my time began, it was all darkness around me. i dwelled in a pool of liquid, freely swimming and floating along with using my long tail. it was a rather boring life, but life was easy and perhaps good. i didnt have to work or find food. the nutrients i need was all around me in abundance. more than enough for me and my countless number of brothers i stayed with.

But all things must come to an end. one fine day, the floodgates to the pool were opened. my brothers and i were forced out of our comfort zone and with a strong gush, we were flushed out through a long tunnel and into a new unfamiliar place.

using whatever little knowledge i had, i realised we were in grave danger. our source of nutrient had been cut off, and we are helplessly left to fend for ourselves. death is almost certain but on one exception - that one of us (may be more, but most of the time only one will succeed) could find and claim a highly-coveted ovule. it was a high risk, high reward situation.

we couldnt even be sure that there was an ovule in the first place, but there was no time to waste, and laziness would only bring death. i came to the part where i had to make the most important choice of my life - the way was a split into 2 paths; only one could save my life. i cant remember which path i took; i took no time to think and dashed into one of them.

into another long tunnel i went, swimming at full speed. i was blessed with a strong tail and i managed to keep in the lead of the swarm. after what seemed like an eternity of relentless racing, the glimmer of life and hope flashed before me - it was the ovule! this was the last lap, the final hurdle towards the grand prize. with eyes set on the goal, i raced with every milligram of strength i had towards it. i wouldnt let anything stop me now.

i managed to reach it in time, but the race was not over. i had to break into the outer layer of the ovule, tunneling my way through. in the midst of the struggle, my precious tail dropped off, but finally i managed to get through. coming in first place, i immediately sent signals to the control stations of the ovule, "i'm in! it is occupied! shut the doors and let no one else in, lest we be overcrowded to death!"

immediately the ovule deployed its emergency shutters. the walls of the ovule started to harden up, preventing any others from entering. some of my brothers still making their way through were stopped in their tracks. desperate pleas for mercy resounded from outside. the cries soon faded out into silence as the walls hardened, and i knew they were doomed. sorry, my brothers, but i couldnt afford to be softened in such a situation.

i found my refuge and supply in the ovule. i began to grow rapidly, growing to many times my original size, and futher more. in replacement of my tail, i developed legs, hands ears and many other complex bodyparts, so much better than before. with my tiny ears i heard sounds from beyond the walls and i began to use my tiny legs to kick the wall, hoping so much to enter the big open world.

soon enough the time came, and the rest is history. now, exactly 18 years from the day entered the world, i look back and reflect on that particular life-changing race. I thank God for giving me the strongest tail and fighting spirit back then, which granted me that grand decisive victory. and i realise, how fortunate i am.

therefore i can say, anyone who has been born was once a winner of a competition of far greater scale than the olympics!

-random.

i finally got a personal experience of encountering a despo guy. i didnt get to know of a guy friend committing despo acts, but instead i was almost a victim of one.
i was playing viwawa 2 days ago. i had my 'wawa' dressed up as a girl (cos i think it looks nicer..) and so halfway playing a fellow player started private chat with me, started breaking ice and then asked me for email add to add on msn. i asked him why, and he said he just wanna be my friend. i sensed sth not normal, but i gave it to him for fun. so he added me on msn and talked random stuff for awhile (he turns out to be 21 years old), then he finally asked me, "are you a guy?"

so i told him the truth, and he accused me of tricking him and pretending to be a girl because of my wawa. and he said he would not have added me if he knew i was a guy. so i called him a despo cheeko pek, which he denied, saying "i cannot make friends meh?" then i asked why only wanna make friends with girls? of which he refused to answer. haha. obviously he was trying to hook up random girls. is this common?
btw, he is not the first to wanna add me on msn. another guy also did, but stopped being so friendly after he realised im older than him. until now he prolly doesnt know im a guy!

Why does putting something across 'bluntly' and 'sharply' mean almost the same thing?

In response to my questioning on why some french words dont follow a certain rule in the french language, my french teacher replied,
"you cant just change the sentence structure like that. maybe they (the makers of french language) made a mistake, but it has been like that for centuries. so you have to follow it..."

i realised that the french word 'pourquoi' (why) was made after our singlish term. or vice versa.
pour = for
quoi = what
so pourquoi = for what!
and in singlish terms, for what is used like a why..

shopping to me is a chore. especially shopping for clothes. the big problem of most clothes shops today, they only cater to the mid-range ppl in their sizes. so many times, for tops and bottoms alike, they only have sizes like 29 and above, which is too baggy for me. ends up a wasted shopping effort. i think i would have to turn to those bigger branded outlets which will be rather painful on my budget... oh why are even skinny ppl discriminated..

Disneyworld is offering internship to the students of DTRM. and i have signed up for it. only i have to pass an interview with the americans on the 25th aug. if successful, i would be leaving for disney world in sept next year! yeah i really wanna go, so really gotta pray ill pass the interview. but even if i fail, i guess local attachment isnt too bad.

Born again?

The most hectic week of projects is finally over, but i still cant take a breather just yet. still 1 more project to go and 1 essay, due by wed. after that, its just mugging for the papers. i will not forget our misery in the past 2 weeks.

Just now over dinner, my mom sudenly started discussing bible questions with me. so she started with "what does it mean to be born again?" i said to be baptised and to live a new life in likeness of Christ. so the question is,
Can someone be born again without being baptised?

John 3:5 - "i tell you the truth, nobody can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the spirit."
the spirit means he must live a new life after christ. but the water i believe refers to baptism. Well in the end we decided that we can be born again in the spirit without being baptised. we can be great for God and live an examplary chrisitan life by being reborn in spirit. but the harsh fact is that no matter what we do, we cant enter God's kingdom without being baptised! its that important... so how about those ppl who live for Christ but cant be baptised due to restrictions such as family objection? o.O

another question that came up - if we are born again, we have to follow christ, which involves leaving our life of sin. then how if we are born again but continue sinning, which everyone does? does that mean nobody is born again? what is the 'quota' of sin that distinguish someone who has been born again and one who is not? what would be the standards for 'living a christlike life'? to continue sinning would be like going back to the old life. so then, would the remedy be to be born yet again? sounds similar to clearing the rubbish bin whenever it fills up.

My mom then came up with an analogy of a newborn baby as someone who has been born again. the new christian needs to be fed and nurtured to maturity. if he is not fed, soon he will be malnourished and starve, leading to dropping out of the faith. the church is to be the parents or guardians of this baby; the people who will feed him. sometimes the church neglects the baby so it starves. sometimes the baby refuses to open his mouth and be fed so it starves.

so i asked, can a person be fed without going to church? all a new chrisitian needs is actually just a bible and a commited heart, and he can still be fed to maturity. so then in such cases, who is the one who takes care of the baby?
"the spirit", she answered.

So the question is, since the spirit is able to feed the baby, why does the baby need the parent? why is the newcomer dependant on the church? cant the spirit feed the child if the church neglects it? why does the child end up malnourished?

At this, she got frustrated and scolded me for trying to poke holes in her analogy, that analogies are not supposed to be so full and perfect that i could go around and about and all is covered. yeah i know i shouldnt be so debating and trying to put down ppls analogies cos it can be quite discouraging, and im learning to stop such things. but later i thought about it and it can actually be answered.

Why does the baby end up malnourished?
because he does not recognise the spirit as a source of food, and therefore does not open his mouth when the spirit tries to feed!

But now im stuck at this - can someone be born again without knowing the spirit?...

maybe all this doubts occur cause we dont get the right meaning of being born again. can anyone enlighten me?