Timed out

I participated in the call for timeout today, and it was a great experience. i actually just finished my dinner, hanging around awhile and watching heroes. and luckily i set my reminder, cause i actually forgot. so just after heroes ended, it was time. i had not really prepared for it, so i just decided to go into my room, close the door and pray in the dark.

not knowing how to start, i just stared out of my window. And guess what brought me the first inspiration - Mars!
Yes it was very visible today, in view from my little window. and no, i didnt go marvelling at the wonder of God's creation, but instead on the dream i had about going to mars.

From there on it just went on and on, actually having me just repeating a lot of things and all the main things that i had prayed for all the previous nights. it was a time of solitude, away from all distractions, focusing all on God, and just pouring out my heart to Him. I lasted through the entire half hour doing nothing but sitting there and talking.

but what was really different about it from all the time i spend before i go to bed, is that i did not do it at the very last part of the day, when im all tired out, and do a quick one. the timeout session brought me a sense of peace, comfort, and relaxation. i felt less tired after it. its like some spa treatment without any materials required!

i rarely get the time and discipline to do such things when there is still other stuff to do. i think making these official time out periods are a good idea. also for the benefit of all those who forgot about it and missed the opportunity, we should have more of these next time.

Update 26/7

The countdown stands at only 43 days left before i leave for USA. time is really flying fast.

i know i been having a writers block for about 2 weeks already. partly was cause i was busy, but even if i had time, i had nothing to post about either.

whats been up for me the past week, rushing on projects that we started doing the week before but half slacking too. only when the deadline is dangerously near then do we start to chiong. thats the way we work, and thats how we have been in this group or the previous. Class culture, yeah.

so this week has 3 projects due, and one more just tmr. mad rush the whole week. what really annoyed me though was having to redo or make significant editions to my project portion 3 times., and twice for the portfolio. could have been much better. i was sleepy throughout the day, everyday.

well but now, all of them are done! The end of the last project for my whole poly course! (excluding maybe some that Disney might make me do)
right after the rush, it was time to party! well i did to a certain extent on fri, but was spoilt by a last minute project meeting again. oh wells.

what lies ahead now is only 3 presentations (not a big deal) and 5 exams. (this is the big deal.) but i have about a month from now to study. i really must make good use of it and not waste too much time playing to recover the week's stress. gotta keep going.
NAPFA test is on on this coming friday too... ahh. aint gonna do very well but ill just give my best shot.

Update 16/7

It seems i have no certain topic that i could centre the post on. ah, writers block. for quite some time already. so ill just try to write with no restrictions.

it seems that either hardly anyone saw or bothered to respond to my previous post. its sad. looks like a direct approach is necessary for all.

This has been a really dull semester in school. exams and projects have been mediocre, no extraordinary experiences, no spectacular events, nothing i can really look forward to. both my ccas have been really inactive. im now only looking forward to the disney internship in less than 2 months time, but even that is shaken. there is a slight chance that ill be stopped from going. but i feel strongly that things will be alright.

The recession has come again. not of the economy, but of my life. these are the times where i feel all low and empty and drained of self esteem or hope. of course it is not as bad as the unforgettable trench period i had between may and sept last year. (cant really rmb the time) once again my past has come back to haunt me. and i realised, the life boost that i had after the trench experience has faded - i have lost that drive, hunger and motivation. in a way, situations have not been so good for me. but on my part, i have also been lax.

Perhaps its brought by the inadequacy i feel when doing my projects. and the personal portfolio assignment also played a big part. cause we are all required to gather all the acheivements we have obtained in our life, and put them all together into a portfolio, as our project. seeing from the 'examplary works' done by previous students that the tutor showed us, mine would pale in comparison. even more than pale actually. why, my life has been severely deprived and void of achievements. Looking at myself, there are so many things that others can do that i cant, and there is nothing that im really good at. this assignment is really cruel. it is an ego booster for those high-achieving students, but a depression stimulator for those who are not.

The hope i have in God is what keeps me going and my source for staying positive. And the best defence against this that i have to remind myself - that i should not be finding my pride and identity in the things of this world and the worldly acheivements i have. im not saying that i have much spiritual achievements either, but i take hope that there are much more to come.

Though this semester is theoretically much slacker than the previous, it seems i have also become slack too so that i still do not give more as i could. there are 3 projects due soon plus the portfolio, and i already feel like im gonna die. ahh, my discipline and hardworkingness has died off over the long holidays and even at a time like this, i have not got it back! all my time wastes away into unfruitfulness, and now im left to struggle through my projects once again.

im addicted to facebook. thats what. i could spend the whole day on facebook. looking at profiles, pictures, notes, and especially the games. oh why do they have to be so entertaining.... ppl some more asked me to play restaurant city, geo challenge and pet society, but im already so distracted, if i start playing them too, ill die lor.

Yesterday for dinner, i went to eat at some lower end jap restaurant. for ramen, they let us choose how spicy we want it, from a scale of 1 chilli to 8 chillis. now from experience, even the most spicy choice is not that spicy till its unbearable, or nobody would order that. so i thought perhaps 8 chillis is for the real spicy lovers. so ill just go for 6 chillis, should be just nice for me. and it turned out, even 6 chillis is already crazily spicy! its really like chilli soup... i wonder how anyone can take 8 chillis and survive! yeah, it was quite a suffering for me, but i still finished it anyway. slowly bit by bit, drinking lots of water. and now im suffering the side effects of spice overload. which takes effect on my stomach and intestines. you get the picture.

oh well.. i should really get into doing my projects and studying... time is really short and i have to feel the heat by now. Discipline....

Add me!

Attention, all readers, I will be changing my email address to
John_one23@hotmail.com
please add me on MSN to make things easier for me. thanks!

I am sick and tired of emails being sent to wrong addresses because people misspelt mine. either the L becomes I, or the 0 becomes O or even Q... so annoying.
i know it might get abit complicated, but i figured i better change before i use this old add for even more things and it snowballs.

why i choose such an add? cause its simple, easy to rmb. for those who dont know the underlying significance, it looks fine. but for those who do, i think its really meaningful. so, there it is.

Forced discipline part 2

My internet had been restored!!!

suddenly, unexpectedly, mysteriously restored. just yesterday i tried, the internet was still down. previously we tried so hard to fix it, to no avail. but now, we didnt have to do anything! just turned on the laptop, and it was working again!


this is the convo i had with Joel just before the internet came on. i was using the desktop.
Jo: go upload your facebook photos on your own comp la!
Me: the internet not working what...
Jo: then go do something about it! youre not doing anything and expect it to get fixed?
Me: tomorrow ill bring it to my schools laptop service centre, see if they can do anything. if not, ill call up HP for warranty. if not, then just wait lor.
Jo: wait for what??!
Me: wait for the internet to suddenly work again.
Jo: Siao.

After talking for a while more, Joel went to try fixing my laptop again, only to find it working again! To God be the glory.

Thus fulfils the prediction i had (stated in the other post) that the internet would come on again after i finished my exams. i also mentioned after my immediate assignments, which is actually not done yet, but which i need the internet in order to do! Really God has been watching over me in this.
In fact, it is because i believed that God was behind this whole thing that i said 'wait for the internet to work again'. that step of faith did reap rewards, and God has proven faithful once again.

Something wondrous took place, indeed.

The Unluckiest Day

It wasnt bad enough that my test today was screwed up. what happened after that was a series of unfortunate events.

One simple mistake, but happening in all the wrong kinds of situations.
After my test, i took a bus and decided to stop at KAP to buy lunch (bumped into Denise, who disappeared from church for ages), then take a transfer bus from another bus stop. and the bus happened to be - 170.

So i was being distracted with my phone while the bus was reaching my stop, then i just grabbed my burger and dropped off. Only after the bus had gone out of sight did i realise, i left my file on the bus! in it contained one of my favourite pens, thermometer, house keys, and all the notes for tmr's exam! i couldnt go home anyway, and i needed to study. so i quickly boarded the next 170 and follow all the way to the terminal. (which was how i got my hp back last time).

little did i know that 170 happens to go all the way to Malaysia! (of all buses, man...) so i was dropped off at the woodlands checkpoint, told the bus captian about my problem. he was all bochup about it. i asked the police there to help, they said they would help me check, but i doubt it. my file probably went to some terminal in remote malaysia and is kept there... i just left my contact with the police and hope they will somehow find it.

And then, my phone died! i have been really annoyed with this stupid LG phone many times already. its battery capacity cant last 2 days of normal usage, and the worst part is, the battery meter always stays full until theres like 20% left, then drops drastically. before i get to react, its all outta bat.

so im stuck outside home without keys until my parents comes back at 7. my notes are all the way in malaysia when im supposed to be studying for the test just tomorrow. im caught up at one end of the island. And... i am cut off from all means of communication and entertainment! the only thing i had left was my wallet. that was a totally lost feeling.

once i was at the terminal, i was not supposed to go back. everyone who takes the bus there is expected to go to malaysia. it was a 'restricted area'. so i was held back and given some interrogation when i went to the office and told them i wanna go back. i think that old man just didnt understand english when i told him i came to look for my stuff, and he just kept saying i took the wrong bus =,='

It was such a terrible day. But one thing i took back from this is learning to keep calm. i think God told me to just enjoy the moment for what it is. so i did. Without distractions of the hp, and just putting every worry out of my mind: of the lost items, being locked out of the house, and tmr's exams, i just looked out of the window and enjoy the scenery as i passed by during the ride, appreciating God's creation. that was really relaxing. the scenery from woodlands to bukit timah is really different from the usual singapore. lots of undeveloped land, mostly lowrise developments. yet doesnt seem too desolate.

reaching back at my condo, i realised nobody was at home, and not gonna be until 7, when my parents return. i had almost 2 hours to burn, and really nothing to do. then i just had this feeling i should pay a visit to my neighbour. well not really neighbour but still. this was proabaly the stroke of luck in an unucky day. i ended up at Stacey's house, and i was approaching from a distance, she was sitting there, and spotted me! rescue has come. and just in time, before she was to go out. spent the next hour or so watching her play tennis with her friends.

now im still left with study to do. i realised i could access all those notes i lost on the internet. relief. but most probably i would just use the thick old textbook. hope it still goes well with this little bit of study ill do....