Sdoru-ll-urodS!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Happy birthday blog!

(This is exactly the 100th post on this blog! yeah nice number... but i had been roughly planning for it since a month or so ago. )

Oh no im so sorry my dear blog, that i had to wait till the last minute before i officialy wished you happy birthday. now its like the last 10 mins till the next day. i feel sorry for u, that nobody else ever remembered your birthday other than your owner here. believe me though that i did rmb since the start of the day, just that i didnt have the access or time.

Thank you for being such a faithful and devoted blog, always being there for me when i needed, sharing my life and keeping my precious memories of the past 2 years. though you never tell me about your life or your problems like i do, i know that you remember eveything that i have told u, and you are able to keep track of me, how i was now and back then, how ive changed.

i hope that you will continue to faithfully listen to me for the rest of time, to continue being my confidante till im old and grey. meanwhile, i pray that blogger will keep you alive, that you dont catch viruses, dont let bugs in, and dont suddenly conk out. Here's a little handmade birthday cake for u.. raspberry flavour. hope u like it! Wishing you a blessed birthday and a good year ahead!


Your creator and best friend,
-JCP


Ok it was a bit dumb writing to a blog. but hey, once i got into it, after awhile i began to feel like i was writing to a real person! all that i said are true after all. yeah, i do feel attached to this blog. 2 years now. sad that nobody else remembered its birthday.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Gapfiller

m life has run out of excitement, so all i have to post is a random post about random stuff. acts as a gapfiller too.

in about 2 days time (28 may), its a special day. at least for me. i guess not many ppl knows. nor do they bother to find out. anyone can tell me the correct answer by then, i give u.. $1!

Yesterday i spent an unusually long time on holdem poker. went on a losing streak, ran out of chips a number of times and had to buy in with more. at the end of it i had lost a few thousand. then i joined a higher stake table and played a short while, and soon i made a huge win. satisfied with my loot, i left, intending to stop playing alr. then i realised... i had exactly the same amount of chips as what i had at the start of the day! an hour plus of ups and downs, then back to square one. =.='
i notice that whenever i get a particular hand, i always win. many times others who had it won too. next time once i have it ill just ALL IN. clue - its not a pair of anything.

social politics. the issue that has been burdening me for most of my first year of poly, is finally getting better for me. my bunch of associates have bonded more on the whole, and have come to accept me more. and one factor that i believe has greatly contributed to this is the quite recent incident of the betrayal by one of them.

apparently they took it so hard and have now totally outcasted her. not only does she not mix with us anymore, my group sees her as some abomination, and its like almost a crime to associate with her anymore. we even make fun of her and flame her behind her back. i dont think she deserved this kind of treatment; they could have easily been more gracious. but she plays along anyway and doesnt try to talk to us anymore. the latest event: we decided to set up a class blog. an email was sent to everyone in the class to tell of the blog name, user account and password. but to spite her, it was CCed to her. (also thought of sending to the rest and forwarding to her) was kinda mean.

how does this cause me to fit in better - at first it was 4 girls 5 guys, but now its 3 girls 5 guys. since tables in the FC are all 4-seaters, 1 guy (usually me) no longer have to sit alone cos of the seat limit. now 1 guy will go over to join the girls, in place of the betrayer. this has caused the 3 girls to become closer with us guys. and of course, i wont have to sit alone again. i really liked this change, and it couldve been an answer to my prayer when i prayed for better acceptance. but at the expense of another person? does God work that way?

1 more project to go, and soon it will be holidays yet again! i have been pretty drained the past 2 weeks, am relieved im getting a good break. but not so much a time for enjoyment cos the tests are all just after the hols. what a spoiler. but better than before it, or we'll all fail or die.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Grey issues

random note: the bunch of flowers i plucked for my mom on mothers day is still surviving until now, in a cup of water. some of the then-unripe flowers have even bloomed during the week. compare to the rose bought from the florist on the same day - it died long ago.


Yesterday i was having dinner with a group of elder guys, namely ivan, joel, david and clifford. we had dinner at adams and after dinner we started talking about a certain christianity-based stuff. it turned out that there was a lot to talk and argue about and we had different viewpoints, so we decided to go to mcdonalds to continue our discussion/debate in aircon comfort. at the end of it, we were all supposed to blog about it. i dunno if the rest have yet.

Is it ok for church goers to have ear piercings (esp for guys)? tatoos? bizzarre hairstyles and colors?

i think the act of getting all these reforms itself is not the problem; its not wrong. some argue its just a way of expressing urself. that alone does not justify anything. how to decide should be to ask yourself; by expressing urself through piercings and weird styles, what is the purpose of getting it? what kind of expression are you trying to show? what impression would it give others? to me these things portray the person as trying to be cool and fashion extreme. gives me an impression of insecurity.

ear piercings and especially tattoos are stereotypically linked to gangsters, bengs and lians. and those getting them should be aware of the connections, so going ahead still would mean either acknowledgement or ignorance. especially if ur in leadership positions, it would open urself to more judgement from the people. from what is expressed, they interpret it in their own way and could well lead to a bad impression, compromising ur ability to reach out to them effectively.

i am aware that such things are getting more and more common among the youths these days and soon it may become the norm. it wont be outright wrong even if that happens. it is still possible to have a youth congregation with everyone having ear peirced, pink hair and tattooed but faithful, fervent and God-loving. these things alone do not in any way inhibit us from being good christians.

but chances are, the person who does these wants to show that he is trendy and fashionable, or trying to be outwardly different from others so as to attract attention. and that should not be the purpose for going to church. not only does it spoil the purpose for going to church, it may distract others away from God meanwhile. As far as i know, God doesnt care about our outward appearance. so whatever for? dont conform to the pattern of the world.

Is it ok to drink beer in front of youngsters (who are somehow under ur care)? eat food offered to idols?

this would depend on case to case basis. as discused, drinking is not wrong even for christians. it would be ok for a father to drink in front of his underage son, give him a bit to try, but warn him that he cannot drink other times. but it is not ok for a mature person to bring underage kids out and buy them all a can of beer. even if he tells them not to drink at other times, the act of specially buying the beer for them is outright encouragement to drink. as for the case where underage kids hang out with a group of adults, the adults buy alcohol only for themselves and maybe fruit juice for the kids, but they drink in front of the kids; it is more of an issue of insensitivity cos the kids may feel left out and deprived because they cannot drink. many times the kids wont even want to drink, but there is the slight chance that they catch the desire to be like the adults - to drink, and then they fake IDs or whatever means to get beer for themselves. if that happens, the adults are guilty of stumbling the kid into doing somethin wrong. so i suggest playing safe and just drink juice together. take into consideration also the kids' character.


the food offered to idols topic branched out from that of stumbling. refers to a passage in the bible about christians eating food offered to idols in front of a new believer still weak in faith. the concern is that he may still hang on to the mentality that the food is sacred as he believed for many past years of his life, but due to peer pressure from fellow christians he eats the food too and then feels uncomfortable after that. haha. to me that is super lame and quite funny. and i dont see whats wrong with that at all, so i dont understand the purpose of that passage. its similar to encouraging a muslim who just converted to christian to eat pork, he still feels uncomfortable doing so but eats it under pressure, and after that he goes "yuck, babi inside me!" and regrets doing so. ask me, i say its a good thing, cos his old mentality must be done away with and replaced with christian ones. better than being scared of babi forever, unnecessarily.


Is it a sin to get drunk? what is the extent of the wrong?

to me, getting drunk doesnt seem like a sin in any case. but whether it is morally wrong depends on the intentions of the person. its wrong if the person purposely drinks in order to get drunk, perhaps to get the high and carefree feeling, or if he knows his limits very well but voluntarily drinks past it. it shouldnt be wrong when he accidentally gets drunk because he is unaware of his limits or he was saboed. purposely getting drunk would mean giving up the God-given ability of self control and discernment to be under the influence of alcohol, which is mostly impulsive. that is akin to purposely opening yourself up to temptation. even if under temptation or when drunk we do not commit any sin, putting oneself at such unneccessary risk is great foolishness itself. so, know your limits, and stick to them when drinking.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Motherhood

Today's mothers day was just very different for me. not about the celebrations nor the people - this time it was just half a session helping out in SPK instead of the whole program done by jymers last year... and no refreshments after that, no free gift for mom either. no different special events either.

but this year it had much more significance to me, simply because i realise it now. this mothers day is the first time i actually spent time to reflect on and realise how very patient and tolerant she has been toward me all the while, and also all the love and concern she gave me for the past 17 years.
yes ocasionally we have quarrels, somethimes in which she would use her ultimate ability as last resort: force compliance through mere authority. in those times i get really pissed off with her but now i realise she is actualy very good alr. she gave in to me so many more times, reasoned things out, and never resorted to anything near abuse to get my compliance.


So today, for the very first time in more than 5 years, maybe even 10, i thanked her for all she had done for me and gave a small token of appreciation - a free of charge, 100% natural bundle of flowers. and later on, a dinner treat at HV. of course she deserves more than that, but i know she is contented alr. ill have plenty of chance to repay her next time anyway.

i dont think i can do the same for my dad on fathers day. we arent on bad terms but not good either. complicated thing. no, he doesn practice abuse either...
i heard of some friends' parents who practice abuse on them or do things that leave bad scars on them. and then i look at my family and i realise mine is so boring compared to theirs! yeah, abuse and disputes spice up family life, if handled the right way. it can really train up the children emotionally in areas like willpower, discipline, drive, and resistance to setbacks. also fosters reliance on friendships.

people like me having such a comfortable life (relatively) would have problems coping when the real troubles come. so sometimes i wish my parents were a little more... harsh? well either way, it could be good. having nice loving parents would give the child an example to learn from in the future, while having bad or abusive parents gives the child an example to abstain from. either way the child can learn to be a good parent in the next generation. but perhaps best is that i have 1 loving and 1 abusive parent so i can learn from the best of both worlds! sounds good?

so the message today: motherhood is continuous and never ending from the moment she conceives. wow. the role of a mother is indeed a noble one. which also makes parenthood sounds scary and burdening, for both mother and fathers alike. but i guess love for the children offsets it all. ha, the beauty of it.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Silent pentitence

hurhurr. i didnt know this method could work so well. i now technically understand the passage about turning the other cheek and thus heaping burning coals on ur enemies.

on wed, there was an incident involving social politics and a sort of betrayal. the guilty party - one of my classmates, was confronted by half the class during break time; following her writing of an email to us to (unsuccessfully) vindicate herself the night before.

so we interrogated her and used her email as a basis of pointing out her loopholes, infrequencies and doubtful areas. of course under such pressure, she started to break down and cry, then we all went softer on her. in the end, she apologised BUT did not turn from her ways, so there is some soured relations now. anyway, this incident is not the one im talking about where i heaped coals. its another which branched out from this.

during the confrontation, that girl was saying that her voice was not heard among us. and another classmate, while trying to convince her otherwise, released the bomb. (no, not fart)
he said, "you dont know what its realy like to be not heard. Ok, u look at John. half the time, what he says is just crap. so honestly i just dont give a **** about what he says anymore. seriously, i just dont bother listening to his ideas and opinions. to pretend to be considering them is hypocrisy on my part. At least for u, ur comments have some substance, so even if ur ideas are not used, doesnt mean they are not heard. He is the example of really being not heard (turning to me) Sorry john, i am like that 1. i lay my cards out on the table. so now you know."

After hearing what he said, i was like very shocked, discouraged, depressed, and other indescribable feelings. he had been my project group leader for many projects, and only now i realise all my contributions were just noise to him. but i still managed to fake a smile and say "its ok." i guess the others around were more shocked than me because of how calmly i reacted to it. after that i told him in a friendly manner that i want a change of group leader, if not theres no point of me talking during discussion. he agreed to step down.

We went for a lecture and after that, he talked to me rather sheepishly. perhaps he was feeling guilty. we both spoke in a rather friendly tone
he: so who do u want as the new group leader?
me: actually any one of them will do.
he: just as long as its not me right?
me: duh, if not i might as well just shut up during discussion, right?
he: well actually even if im leader, u can still contribute... (haha, suddenly changed attitude)
me: no point wad. even if the other 3 listens, in the end the leader calls the shot.
he: ya u got a point. eh sorry for putting it so bluntly just now.
me: actually... i appreciate it. at least now i can save my breath. if not ah, i tot u listening but actually ur not. thx for ur honesty
he: ok.. (extending his hand) no hard feelings!
and yeah i shaked it.

Then today, during a tutorial, he actually asked me for my contributions, about my opinions on the ans for a qn (to be discused as a group). and he actually used it! haha, i felt like tellling in his face that he was a hypocrite. but i guess he really changed his attitude, for good. i shall wait and see. but im quite sure things would have been different if i had reacted negatively at that time. kindness begets kindness.

Claudia & xuxu
Dvd Lim
Lawrence
Sdoru-ll-urodS!: May 2008