Meaningless living

Every saturday, my dad would bring my grandparents over to our place to spend a day away from their own home - an old 2 room hdb flat, where they are taken care of by my parents (sometimes i have to give a share of effort too) instead of a paid neighbour during the rest of the week. My mom would cook them proper meals for lunch and dinner; an old folks diet that i would have to eat too.

My grandmother is senile and cant even remember who i am. my grandfather is still mentally sound but physically he looks like he could breakdown anytime. When they come to my place, they spend the day doing nothing but eat, sleep, and watch TV - which i dont think they even absorb anything from it.

I could imagine how they spend the rest of their time at home.
Wake up, stare into space, watch some TV, eat breakfast and lunch, take a nap, watch more TV, eat again, stare blankly again, then go back to sleep.
They cant go out - never on their own. maybe the neighbour would bring them.
they cant hold proper conversations - my grandma would talk about the same things like a faulty tape recorder, and my grandpa hardly talks, even before he became hard of hearing.

The difficult part comes when i try to put myself in their shoes. I so absolutely cannot imagine myself living a life like that... a life totally void of meaning. They just live for the sake of staying alive. Its a fate worse than death.
Its commendable how they can continue living like that without falling into depression. I really dont understand.

I am certain that i would not become like them one day. Seeing their example makes me all the more concerned about preparing for my twilight years - even though those days are too far to even consider. Ill make sure i have active ageing, and even in my final years, to contribute to society in one way or another, being a blessing to people around me. Lest i live a life worse than no life at all.

ill informed decision

Today i had my medical review at CMPB. purpose of which is to address a condition i had mentioned before during medical screening - ADHD. i had already intended to trivialise the problem as much as possible, because i was quite sure it wont enable me a down-pes. so do away with the unnecessary self-degradation.
my mom had to go down too, as required by the doctor to have an interview.

so we went in to have the interview together with the doctor... or rather a psychiatrist. had general questioning about the condition and how it affects me. we didnt make a big matter of it, because it was a small matter after all.

But then suddenly i was posed with a surprising choice - the doctor gave me a choice to remain in pes A, or be downgraded to pes C. temporarily, he said; but i doubted they would bother to change me out once im in. Just on the account of ADHD in my case, he said it actually does not constitute a down pes. but he was just being lenient and offering me a choice. sounds like a rare opportunity.
but he refused to give us detailed information about what pes A and C roles are like. i was forced to make a decision right then using all the little i knew. and in the end, i gave a decision. I chose to remain in combat roles. My mum had nothing more to say, and just kept quiet. no need to speak up for me to be downpesed. end of discussion.

Upon leaving the room, she immediately began pummeling me with doubts about my choice.
Are you sure you want to do combat roles? Do you know what youre in for? Are you sure you can do it? what if ......? why dont you wanna do pes C?
She obviously thinks pes C is much better... easier life, more benefits.

when my dad was told about this, he too began putting doubts in me. more or less along the same lines. they both think i made a foolish choice and wasted a good opportunity. after taking in all their doubts, i then too begin to worry if i had made an ill informed decision that i would regret for the coming 2 years.

Well, the decision has been made, probably no turning back. come what may. God has given me a healthy body; i should make the best use of what i am given, instead of giving in to a down-pes when i dont deserve one, just for the sake of some comfort. i believe life would be more exciting in the combat field, albeit less comfortable. what wont kill me will make me stronger!

Im sure the army wont let me suffer beyond my means... neither would God.

Life goes on

Ok now, so im back from my trip to shanghai. actually i have been back already 3 days ago. Basically i would say, I really enjoyed my time there. of course, it would have been nowhere as good if not for my friends there. it was a refreshing different kind of experience that i never had before - going to a foreign place on my own; free and easy, staying at a friend's house, and having local friends to be my tour guides; visiting not so much touristy areas but more insider views of local life. - the learning opportunities are way better and abundant than when going on a mindless package tour. furthermore, staying with a local family and joining them in their daily life grants me the best and authentic exposure to local culture. I would love to have every holiday in this way, but such chances are hard to come by. i am thankful for this opportunity.

My sentiments of shanghai~
I wouldnt say shanghai is developed, but it is noticeably developing at a very fast rate - seemingly too fast for the place to keep up with it. (might be confusing)
after seeing observing shanghai, i realised that others feel Singapore is so clean and beautiful actually because Singapore constantly renovates, renews and maintains its urban landscape; as compared to Shanghai which hardly renovates its public areas or buildings - sometimes resulting in an old and ugly scene.

Goods and services in Shanghai is more expensive than most other parts of China, yet it is still significantly cheaper than Singapore's. Housing is very expensive though (considering their average wages), as it is quite a big squeeze in the city.

My foremost sentiment is that Shanghai is a good place to visit and experience comfortably; it has a sufficient infrastructure like the transport system. whatever you need there, you can get it. However, Shanghai is not a place i would want to live in. it demands so much more to live in this city. high cost of living, low purchasing power, rapid development, congestion, heavy pollution. i would not see myself living long-term in such a place.

My account of the Shanghai trip is still being worked on on the other blog as one whole long post. might take some time, but motivates me to get it done. the sketches i made while i was there would help me much.