Joy in sufferings

I would like to have a figurine of a dog and a dove, cos their iconic characteristics are what i desire to have.

Looking back, this year has been one where i could really feel God's work in me. i have been through so much tougher times than i have before, and been exposed to so many new things, learnt so many hard facts of life. Yes there was problem after problem, disappointment after disappointment. at times i was squeezed dry of my morale. But it is through these that i learnt to grow, trained my strength and perseverance, and learnt to depend on God.
Indeed as it is said, 'suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, and character produces hope.' (romans 5:4)

Did hope disappoint me? yes my hopes were dashed many a times. but even these can be turned to blessings. Through them i have developed a hardy spirit which recovers quickly from disappointment, and learnt to take them in stride. but while i was undergoing the 'training', i could feel God was there for me, always providing me rays of hope and not just letting me sink to the pits of depression. Thus fulfils the promise that God will not let you be trailed beyond what you can bear. (dunno the reference)

Another fulfillment is that "once the purpose that the trial was intended for has been fulfilled, God will deliver us from it". And so it was for me, that after i have been subjected to all the oppression of the previous project group and been strengthened by it, the groups have changed and im able to get along much better with the current one. And guess what, im in this group for a different purpose now - im being faced with different kind of problems, which i believe i will learn more from.

I pray that i will stop looking back at my punitive past and be discouraged, but look ahead with anticipation, walking faithfully step by step along the path ahead that God will lead me on.

All seems bleak and hopes are low,
Trials arise and engulfs me so.
The purpose for these, i do not know,
But in due time, God will show.

Update 21/11

Whats up? today ends the last project that has deadlines this term. 1 week of study break, before the mid-sem tests - DURING the church camp! i would have to study evrything before the camp. well the projects have come and gone, and it was much more manageable than last sem's. though its still too early to say - next term which starts just at the start of the year threatens twice the amount of project work, or at least twice the weightage in projects than this term. weightage in tests are also much higher. some projects would have to be done during the holidays too. what a spoiler. but i shall not let it spoil my holidays. time to rush.

this holiday isnt gonna be much of a holiday. there is just so much in plan within a squeezy 3 week period. and that includes projects that has to be done over the hols cos the deadlines soon after. i do not intend to drop anything though. May God work a miracle and let everything be done without missing out any of the other plans.

Schedules in this period has been in my favour, thanks be to God. i think He is giving me the go-ahead this time. camp falls in the test week (seems bad, but instead it means i dont have to go to school) but i have a week before that to study (should be enough) and the test dates are just before and after the camp! that means, i can be a full time camper! wont have to miss out anything, except a bit of the beginning and end.
in addition, the holidays starts just in time for the mission trip! ive been rather pissed about missing the last 2 year's due to bad schedule. now finally i can once again. i hope the mission trip trainings wont take up too much of the time i might need though.

other than camp and mission trip, theres the Christmas buona vista thing and of course the festive season of Christmas itself, which will have its share of activites i believe. plus an old class gathering, date unconfirmed; and maybe a first time ever overseas group outing. <-- if this falls during the christmas period, gonna miss the great opportunity. sad.

Introduction to Judaism

edited with photo

what first seemed as an extra waste of time turned out to be a big treat instead. for the cross cultural project for which i initially visited a guanyin temple, my groupmate decided we had too little information and decided to change subject to judaism, despite word from others who have done judaism to not do judaism. apparently they almost went crazy from the chanting sessions in the synagogue, and the rabbi is always not free to talk to them.

still, we went one saturday. what happened that day was a string of events leading to our rich discoveries on judaism. i guess it was God's provision for us, like a plan slowly unfolding. so first we went to some more well visited one (dunno the name) but had nobody there. just got to see a bit of the interiors of the building. the next session was to start in 2 hours time so we decided to go to another synagogue which i knew, a walkable distance away. that one was called 'chesed-el'. and to our disappointment it wasnt even open at all. it is not open to non-jews at all times. so unfriendly. but then there we saw a 'reuben manasseh hall' just opposite, and passed by to take a look (it was all dark inside). the big star of david caught our attention and we took photos with it.

then suddenly this family of jews walked pass and went into the hall, and one of the women confronted us. (her name is Tammy.) she seemed rather intimidating at first, like she interrogated us on what we were doing taking photos of the hall. we found that the lights were off cos jews cant use electricity on the sabbath... and so its quite obvious we werent jews since we were taking photos, but she saw the visitor sticker we got from the previous synagogue so she knew we werent just any casual walk-ins.

so then we clarified everything with her, that we were students doing a project and stuff. then her intimidating stance faded and she asked, "do you have anything to ask about?"
so that was the beginning of it. i started asking based on the qn list given. we spent more than 20 mins on 1 question (the main beliefs of judaism), just standing outside the hall and talking. but then she had to go cos of her kids, and knowing we still had many questions more, offered to meet us another day at paragon, which was near her place (she must be really rich, and only 30+ yrs old!). seeing from the response we got for the first qn, i knew i was in for a whollistic detailed view to whatever we wanted to know about judaism. i was so thankful for this big help to us.

God's planning didnt stop there. on monday when we were supposed to meet, her schedule with her kids got messed up so she couldnt make it, offered to meet the next day instead. ok. and then she forgot all about it, and when i called just before going there, she was having a swim with her kids and had to accompany them. but guilty to turn us away again, she asked us to meet her at the poolside. and so we went to her place at Elizabeth towers (an old but really expensive condo) and we spent almost an hour beside the pool, continuing our interview while she supervised her kids (they were quite irritating and kept interrupting us), until she had to bring her kids upstairs. and we were not done yet.

so then the plan leads on further... we went up to her house! 23rd storey penthouse, with lots of furnishing and decorations, overlooking the whole of orchard road and can also see the singapore flyer and springdale! extremely rich, as i said. emily brought her camera but it just decided to not function properly that day, so couldnt take much pics.. what a waste.

but the main benefit about going to her place was not to see the nice house and view, but she proceeded to tour us around, showing us her whole collection of jewish artifacts (a whole shelf full of it and many more on the walls and all over the place.) and she actually explained the significance of each of them and how they are used. was such an info overload man. that was not all; she also showed us her store room stocked with kosher food and her collection of torah scriptures, detailed with commentaries, in both hebrew and english. she was like so passionate, detailed and knowledgeable in sharing about her religion with us. and its actually quite surprising since its the jewish men's obligation to study the torah and impart it to his children. and throughout the whole thing she was really nice and helpful and patient.

finally after more than 2 hours in total at her condo, we finished all our questions and she showed us all she had. plus many more questions which was not part of the project. then her kids became restless and so we had to go. the whole thing was a great blessing in disguise. i had learned so much, more than what i asked for or expected, and all these jewish stuff could well be useful in better understanding the old testament that we share. it was a really unexcpected opportunity hard to come by!

Blogging

I now realise how dependent i have become on one little machine called a laptop. Life is rather miserable now that my laptop has met some problems, cant be used and have to be sent for repair. And it would be even more so if i had to use it more during school, or if i didnt have so much time spent away from home. its gonna take a few days, and meanwhile i cant do my projects, one of which is due next mon... pressure. thankfully the hard disk is still ok, so i dont lose all my precious files. now that i think of it... seriously really a lot of time i spend is in front of the comp when im at home.

i think i may be taking too long to do my blog posts man. it has become like a habit to always think through and make corrections while i type out my post, significantly slowing down the process. and maybe because of that, i do not blog so often.

i have become very conscious of what i say in my posts. i would do 'quality control checks', to ensure as much as possible that i do not say anything offensive or inaccurate. i try to phrase in a way so as to best bring the message across. it is also a habit that i give a title for the posts, and as much as possible stick to the topic, except for the cases of 'random' or 'update'. this further narrows my flow of thoughts and restricts my scope of things to post about .

but yet i must know what i reveal to the public, which is whoever reads my blog. i believe i should not reveal too much stuff on the blog, since i dont even know who reads it. i dont want someone i hardly know to know much about me, especially without me knowing. only a small portion of readers would leave tags that would allow me identification. and smaller amounts of info is easier to control. neither do i want my blog to be an alternative to getting to know me well.

i know that my posts may not speak to readers very much, but a greater reason for blogging would be to act as a record of the stages and experiences in life, for my own reference in the future. its actually rather useful when i have a whole range of posts dating back a long way, and then take a journey through them when im free, to recollect the past. but due to what i stated above, i many times cant publish my innermost feelings. and too lazy to do it in a diary.

some may argue that its more accurate if i were to type out, kinda on impulse, whatever comes to my mind so that it would really accurately reflect how im feeling and thinking at that point of time. but i no i would say, giving another chance to sort out my thoughts and think through before posting wold mean that i better know what im talking about, and to increase credibility. i have more chances to review what the matter actually is, and what im really feeling. and this, is what makes it accurate.

yes i may miss out the nitty gritty details of things happening in my life. but my theory is, if i forget about it or cant bother to blog about it, it must be rather unimportant. i believe in quality over quantity. so in this way all the major events and big deals are recorded (which is already enough), and whatever little things that may get through. this saves my blog from being flooded with unnecessary things that are not worth remembering, inaccurately put or irrelevant. this makes it easier and more meaningful to check back on my posts, more interesting too.

i guess blogging is a really useful tool. for mass media when applicable, for records otherwise. though it may take up much of my time and effort, i would still think its worth it.. like a form of investment. oh i missed the annual flashback on my blog's birthday this year... got 2 years to do next year...