The Wake

(this is a very belated post)

So the funeral ended on friday, and ends the 4-day episode following my grandmother's passing. Life for all of us seems to just return to normal immediately after that. But during those 4 days, it was rather long and sometimes dramatic.

By 10pm on tuesday, the day of her passing, i still have not heard of any arrangements, plans and details. When actually much had been going on all day - my parents busy settling the matter and making arrangements for the funeral. they must have been too caught up and just forgot about me, because i only heard slightly past ten that the wake had actually already started, and i was to be there at 10am the next morning. Such a sudden piece of news, i had hardly any time to prepare to leave the base and go home to sleep. But i just quickly left, thinking i would be back again the next day. But to make it worse, when i got home, my parents told me i was to be away from YWAM for the next 3 days!

I was totally caught unprepared. There i was, most of my stuff still left in base, and having to spend 3 days unavailable to go out; yet with lots of free time, and no material to pass the time with. Inexperienced with funerals, i blamed them for not telling me earlier of what is involved in a wake, and they retaliated back with scolding. It was a really bad night, cause for the whole night i was feeling the strong negative energy of death, worry, and anger. Typing an email to the go-fest team in the late of night helped to dissipate some of it.

the next morning, my parents seemed all fine again, friendly to me once again - in fact somehow more friendly and softened, not mentioning anything about our quarrel last night. The go-fest team went to check their emails, and soon after the word quickly spread around, to the whole ywam base, and to connect as well. smses of condolences and encouragements started coming in.
Arriving at the wake for the first time, the atmosphere felt rather solemn, though not morbid. Christian funerals are never as morbid as traditional Buddhist and Taoist funerals with lots of hell paper burning, priests chanting, altars and offerings, people weeping and gnashing of teeth. (ok im kidding about that last part.) On the other hand, Christian funerals are bright, white, a serene calm atmosphere, lots of flowers to decorate, and comforting banners proclaiming God's word about eternal life. In this case, a large banner behind the coffin displayed John 11:25, with english and chinese versions side by side -

"Jesus said: I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believes in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live."
“耶稣说：复活在我，生命也在我。信我的人，虽然死了，也必复活。”
and this became like our theme/motto throughout the wake and services.

One thing i wanted to do, but was hesitant to at first, was to take a look to see my grandmother in her embalmed state. I did not know what to expect, and mentally prepared myself to be freaked out. What i saw was indeed unexpected - her facial expression looked like she was praying, her face were a few shades darker than naturally, and crimson lipstick applied. A big difference from the sickly, deteriorating old lady i saw on Saturday.

Having to stay around from morning till night with hardly anyhting to do, i was indeed restless. first spending a few hours adapting to the facilities-deprived place, and finally settling down on one of the tables, eating peanuts and reading the bible. I felt like i was lost in a void. Time passed slowly, but when looking back at how the time passed, i stood clueless.

Despite my words in the email to the go-fest team playing down the idea of coming down to see me at the wake, i was surprised when quite a few indicated that they would willingly travel all the way from east to far west to attend the wake of someone they never knew. Some of them i might have expected would come, and also some i never thought would come.

They arrived just on time for the 8pm service, bringing carefully-thought bubble teas for me. And it happened that they came in 2 separate groups, each getting me a bubble tea, unaware that the other had gotten me bubble tea as well! When the second bubble tea was presented to me when i already had one in hand, sure made quite a hilarious moment.

They also got a specially made wreath for me, with my name on it (condolences on the demise of my grandmother). I was stunned to see the huge wreath - for i had asked for a very small wreath if theyre gonna get one. the message probably didnt get through.

for the memorial service, the people from her church came and made us sing chinese hymns.. which actually didnt sound so bad. however it was spoilt by the chinese-english interpreter singing in english in the background. It is obvious that his english was not very good; he is more a chinese speaker. when he was interpreting for the sermon, his translation was rather inaccurate, or missing out the essence in the original chinese sermon. It could work both ways that he didnt put across the message very clearly in english - because i found the sermon really bad. Perhaps it might be the usual bible-presbyterian style of preaching, but i dont support it at all - the sermon was about the suffering of hell, and then saying this is a chance for non believers to turn to Christ and its too late when you die. A sermon which should have been to comfort the bereaved instead was used as a platform for hard-line altar call. It was totally unconvincing and offensive. If i were a non-believer listening to the sermon, i would have just walked off, taking along a bad impression of christians.

then my dad went up to say a few words about his mom. he made his speech with a straight face, sometimes even joking. Cant believe he broke down and cried the day before - i probably missed the only chance to see him crying. He must have loved his mom a lot. after he spoke, the pastor called for anyone else to go up to speak, but after a minute of awkward silence, still nobody went.

we entertained guests until the last one left, then packed up and left at midnight, leaving my uncle to watch over the place.

the next day, my parents went back in the morning, but i did not have to. i just slept the morning away, slacked around for a while, then just as i was about to get into doing some productive stuff, it was time to go back to the wake.

A suspicious man who looks like in his 30's went up to the area where all the food and bags are placed. standing behind the railings of the pavilion, he spied into our bags and asked my auntie if he could borrow money. when refused, he still stuck around, until she offered him a packet drink, then he left. we shifted our bags to a more secure location after that, leaving only non valuable stuff at the corner.


the second night sermon was so much better than the previous - much more fluent interpreter, much more convincing and inspiring sermon. there was still an element of call to receive Christ, but in a gentle manner, and with much more explainations to substantiate. one thing i didnt like though, was the speaker repeating the verse John 11:25 more than 20 times in his sermon. i could tell the interpreter was getting sian of translating the same thing over and again!


my uncle and uncle-in-law went up to say words for my grandmother this time. pretty good testimonial speech from the both of them. the speakers also mentioned a few testimonies about her. these really turned my view of her - from a sickly, senile old woman to a peaceful, thankful one who loves God very much, and was very active in her church when she was still well.



when it was time for the passing off around the coffin, i suddenly realised there were several jymers who came. i did not know or expect it. more people from church came later, even after service, and stayed for just a while. The last guest left at 12, and my parents went home to rest too. Then there was just left me and joel at the wake, and we commenced our guard duty. We had to hold out till 4am, when our parents would come back again.


Even after midnight, there was quite still quite a lot of activity going on in the neighbourhood. I was restless most of the time.

At 1am, the suspicious man from this afternoon came back again. once again he went straight to the corner with food and bags. joel was sitting nearby, and the man asked him if he could have water. joel passed him one on the table, but the man requested a cold one instead. Good thing i went up too to keep watch on him - he continued to stare into the bags even as i kept an eye on him. he probably wanted to take the opportunity when joel was taking drinks from the freezer to make a quick snatch from the bags.


At 1.30, 2 malay boys came straddling along past the wake site. i knew they were up to no good. they came and asked if there is any food. i found a few pieces of broccoli, that was all that was left. then they asked for water - i gave it and they went on their way, this time saying a word of thanks, unlike the strange man.


quiet after 2. burned cups and peanuts. peanut artillery
came back at almost 4

heavy rain, cant see screen, flooded drains. cant cross, path flooded.
skies crying. unsuitable for burial. dead cat on the roadside on the way there
service before leaving, very late. rain lowered
last look, coffin opened to put in favourite bible.
still drizzling, cracking of thunder. dramatic, lucky no lightning.
cck cemetery, lawn cemetery.
carpet grass and cow grass. calculative
flat nice land, doesnt look morbid.
stepped across and over graves, gather around burial pit
standing around the pit, holding umbrellas, saying last words in the rain.
rain pettering down on the coffin, soaking the charcoal.
threw in flowers, land covered up.
see efforts for land conservation.
wake site, everything being diamantled and cleared up. so many beautiful flowers gone to waste. took one wreath home, plucked those from gofest wreath and planted them around the neighborhood.
go home, long rest concludes.
why so emotional? must have loved her a lot.