Motherhood

Today's mothers day was just very different for me. not about the celebrations nor the people - this time it was just half a session helping out in SPK instead of the whole program done by jymers last year... and no refreshments after that, no free gift for mom either. no different special events either.

but this year it had much more significance to me, simply because i realise it now. this mothers day is the first time i actually spent time to reflect on and realise how very patient and tolerant she has been toward me all the while, and also all the love and concern she gave me for the past 17 years.

yes ocasionally we have quarrels, somethimes in which she would use her ultimate ability as last resort: force compliance through mere authority. in those times i get really pissed off with her but now i realise she is actualy very good alr. she gave in to me so many more times, reasoned things out, and never resorted to anything near abuse to get my compliance.

So today, for the very first time in more than 5 years, maybe even 10, i thanked her for all she had done for me and gave a small token of appreciation - a free of charge, 100% natural bundle of flowers. and later on, a dinner treat at HV. of course she deserves more than that, but i know she is contented alr. ill have plenty of chance to repay her next time anyway.

i dont think i can do the same for my dad on fathers day. we arent on bad terms but not good either. complicated thing. no, he doesn practice abuse either...
i heard of some friends' parents who practice abuse on them or do things that leave bad scars on them. and then i look at my family and i realise mine is so boring compared to theirs! yeah, abuse and disputes spice up family life, if handled the right way. it can really train up the children emotionally in areas like willpower, discipline, drive, and resistance to setbacks. also fosters reliance on friendships.

people like me having such a comfortable life (relatively) would have problems coping when the real troubles come. so sometimes i wish my parents were a little more... harsh? well either way, it could be good. having nice loving parents would give the child an example to learn from in the future, while having bad or abusive parents gives the child an example to abstain from. either way the child can learn to be a good parent in the next generation. but perhaps best is that i have 1 loving and 1 abusive parent so i can learn from the best of both worlds! sounds good?

so the message today: motherhood is continuous and never ending from the moment she conceives. wow. the role of a mother is indeed a noble one. which also makes parenthood sounds scary and burdening, for both mother and fathers alike. but i guess love for the children offsets it all. ha, the beauty of it.