Born again?

The most hectic week of projects is finally over, but i still cant take a breather just yet. still 1 more project to go and 1 essay, due by wed. after that, its just mugging for the papers. i will not forget our misery in the past 2 weeks.

Just now over dinner, my mom sudenly started discussing bible questions with me. so she started with "what does it mean to be born again?" i said to be baptised and to live a new life in likeness of Christ. so the question is,
Can someone be born again without being baptised?

John 3:5 - "i tell you the truth, nobody can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the spirit."
the spirit means he must live a new life after christ. but the water i believe refers to baptism. Well in the end we decided that we can be born again in the spirit without being baptised. we can be great for God and live an examplary chrisitan life by being reborn in spirit. but the harsh fact is that no matter what we do, we cant enter God's kingdom without being baptised! its that important... so how about those ppl who live for Christ but cant be baptised due to restrictions such as family objection? o.O

another question that came up - if we are born again, we have to follow christ, which involves leaving our life of sin. then how if we are born again but continue sinning, which everyone does? does that mean nobody is born again? what is the 'quota' of sin that distinguish someone who has been born again and one who is not? what would be the standards for 'living a christlike life'? to continue sinning would be like going back to the old life. so then, would the remedy be to be born yet again? sounds similar to clearing the rubbish bin whenever it fills up.

My mom then came up with an analogy of a newborn baby as someone who has been born again. the new christian needs to be fed and nurtured to maturity. if he is not fed, soon he will be malnourished and starve, leading to dropping out of the faith. the church is to be the parents or guardians of this baby; the people who will feed him. sometimes the church neglects the baby so it starves. sometimes the baby refuses to open his mouth and be fed so it starves.

so i asked, can a person be fed without going to church? all a new chrisitian needs is actually just a bible and a commited heart, and he can still be fed to maturity. so then in such cases, who is the one who takes care of the baby?
"the spirit", she answered.

So the question is, since the spirit is able to feed the baby, why does the baby need the parent? why is the newcomer dependant on the church? cant the spirit feed the child if the church neglects it? why does the child end up malnourished?

At this, she got frustrated and scolded me for trying to poke holes in her analogy, that analogies are not supposed to be so full and perfect that i could go around and about and all is covered. yeah i know i shouldnt be so debating and trying to put down ppls analogies cos it can be quite discouraging, and im learning to stop such things. but later i thought about it and it can actually be answered.

Why does the baby end up malnourished?
because he does not recognise the spirit as a source of food, and therefore does not open his mouth when the spirit tries to feed!

But now im stuck at this - can someone be born again without knowing the spirit?...

maybe all this doubts occur cause we dont get the right meaning of being born again. can anyone enlighten me?