Whats going on

So, Joel came back suddenly, unexpectedly 2 days ago at night. it turned out he had an arm injury during BMT that granted him 2 days MC. earlier on i had sent him a msg asking him about how things are in the army, which he replied its too much to say by sms. so when he came back he rmbed and said he would tell me later.

that night my parents were busy talking to him and so i went to do my own stuff. never got to hear the story. the next day i came back from school late, then i thought can still ask later. but i didnt know he had to leave so early the next morning so he went to sleep early. in the end, i am still not aware of whats going on in army for him. this time i would have to wait till he finishes BMT. =.=" opportunity missed.

"If your spiritual life seems to be all easy going and breezy, it is time to get worried, cause it could mean that the devil sees you as a small fry, not a threat to him, and therefore isnt bothered to make things tough for you and disrupt God's plans for you. "

yesterday i was thinking a lot about this theory, and i found that my spiritual walk is indeed very smooth going... as in there are a lot of problems and low moments im going through recently but they are just worldly problems that dont really affect my relationship with God. i just see them as part of life's problems that God uses to train me by. But nothing has really shaken my faith and caused me to have doubts or drift away.

So yes i became worried and asked God to give me a sign of assurance if im walking right, and in a way, asked for tests of faith. i don wanna be having things easy due to being a small fry. sounds like a rather dumb prayer, but i think it was just answered today. today a number of things happened which really showed me how useless i am. or rather, make me feel very useless. then i begin to doubt if God can ever use me to do great things. And im still feeling that way now.

I really need to regain my faith and confidence. so much for an iron spirit. prayers requested, thx!