Lucky day

just came back from church camp yesterday, was a good retreat but i actually expected better. dont think i can do a very detailed write up like the race camp. but i shall write more on the other blog. plan to just finish it in 1 post so it doesn drag and never gets fully completed.


Before i went to the camp, i was still big dog status on the FB holdem poker. with about 49K. so yesterday i came back and managed to top up the remaining required 1000 chips to achieve Shark status and then was happy and stopped for the day.
Then today i planned to just be content with shark, so i decided to just have fun with my chips and dont care so much about losing them all. so i went to the highrollers den; a place where just the starting bid scared me away previously. and played more generously.

I have been on real bad losing streaks previously, sometimes roller coasters, but today was just my luckiest day in poker. i went on a winning streak, at least 4 times today and of course won much more than i lost. and it so happens that i got this historical winning streak just when i decided to play higher. then in one particular round i made a enormous win of about 40K, and brought me into the league of pro*100K. i had taken many months to get my 50K, and then that amount was doubled in just 1 day.

Now i begin to wonder, is that the work of Satan? cos i dun think it is from God. now i can feel the symptoms of addiction to poker... like i dont think i would ever go back to those $200 tables that i was playing in not long ago. i would probably continue to play in the high rollers. a 2K win (which was a lot to me last time) seems like peanuts to me now. its a cycle of uncontentment and always raising the bar. like a rat race. now i think i can snap out of this if i want to and even if i continue it might not do me harm. but now i realise how those gambling addicts feel and can empathise with them. this can also relate to the elites or perfectionists, who keep raising the bar for their grades in studies, their achievements, business operations, material wealth, etc.

i am rather certain my playing FB poker would not lead me to become a real life gambler, partly cos of my conservatism, and also cos i know that this is very different from real gambling. over here players win in the long run cos none of it goes to the 'casino', plus everyone gets $500 everyday. in the real casino players are designed to lose in the long run, obviously. and lose big. the casino gets so rich and can even give high class VIP treatment to regular gamblers. But still,

Just recently my mom found out i was "gambling" regularly and she repeatedly nagged at me to never gamble in real life, and to play other things instead, fearing that i may stumble others and of course, in case it leads me to gamble in real life. it doesn make things any better that im in the tourism sector and i might just end up working in the IRs. i think the part about stumbling others could be very real. the idea of rags to riches overnight surely thrills anyone.

i think it would be ok for me to continue playing FB holdem poker, but i must just be careful not to encourage others to play it also, and at the same time keep myself in close check, not letting it affect my mentality in any way.
the value of those chips are getting less to me now. and there is no use for them other than to gamble some more. maybe i should just donate it to the poor. yes, im gonna go to those low bid tables and then ALL IN when i have lousy cards. haha.