Time is up

Something i have been trying to search into, and now the situation dawned on me - my time is up... i have crossed over and never able to return. i have now become too old to be cared for by older peers (like those less than 10 years older). i no longer have anyone pay attention to me, monitor my well being, check on how im doing, show care and concern, share experiences, give advice and guidance to ensure my growth. instead, i have now become one of the 'older ones' and i have to care for the younger ones. i had my time, but i wasted that opportunity. now its over, too late to treasure it.

its like when im young i get hongbaos all the time. then suddenly i got married, and now i no longer get hongbaos but have to give hongbaos instead. but while i was still young, i stayed at home all the time and didnt go out to get my hongbaos while i still could.
its not that i have no money to give hongbaos, but the hongbaos received contain a different currency that is priceless.

now at this age, the source of these would normally come from the fellow older peers of around the same age. but these bonds ought to have been built in the younger years, perhaps with the help of the then-elders. but once again, its too late and its gonna be much harder now.

how i wish i could re-live the 'hongbao' times, and made so much more from my opportunity. Now the past cant be forgotten, for it will keep coming back to haunt me with regret. Not because of what i done, but what i didnt do.