The Great Revelation

Rrroooooaaarrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! Im really frustrated. For no aparent reason actually.

Today, the time came at last, when after 3 long months of waiting and anticipation, the O level results are revealed to me and the many others also in my plight. Its so true a saying that the 'scariest' time is not during o lvls, not after getting the results, but the time between, waiting for results. And the pressure builds up as the date draws nearer. As for me, i kept cool all the while until yesterday, and from then it went uphill fast.

Today i went to serve as usual. nobody took leave just cos its collection day. maybe to take their minds off thinking about their result? i duno. Some left earlier at 12+. but i stayed on till it finished, at 1.10. I had 1h 20min to have my lunch, take 2 buses and walk a distance to the school. I went to the SAS canteen for my favt meal there - yong tau foo. i looked at it and started to get emo, thinking: this is my last meal before my fate is revealed; i should enjoy it well. But then i took notice of the time constraint and that stopped me from enjoying. Then i took a quick sidetrack to the toilet in the old building and the whole place is all deserted. its like as if theres a large incoming explosion and evry1 is rushing home or to their schools as shelter. and i was still loitering in that forsaken building.

The first bus came at abt 1.45 and alighted at 2. walked a short dist to another bus stop and took the 2nd bus which came shortly after reaching. Alighted at 2nd destination at 2.20. So in 10 mins i have to walk from there to CWSS. at first i tot, no problem. but i underestimated the distance and time went by quicker than expected. I had to go a big round to get to the school gate, and meanwhile i heard announcement being made and i panicked. i tot i was gonna get left behind n miss my turn for collection. I ran all the way to the hall and regretted it cos there was a boring talk until ard 3.

So the emcee (or whatever u call it) announced the top students. 1 7A student and then the 5A's. A few from neighbouring classes, and then it skipped my class! Nobody in my class got 5A! My heart really sank. There goes my chances of getting into ACJC, my 1st choice school. cos even if i got 4As, the min pt is 10. too high for ACJC.

Then the index no1 girl in my class went first to collect her results. she was sitting just in front of me. she came back squealing delightfully, "i passed! i passed! can go poly!" her L1R4 result was 21. Not at all fantastic in my opinion. She's got the gift of contentment that i didnt.
So one by one the consequent anxious classmates went forward to look into the crystal ball. That is, to have their fate revealed. O level results do direct your fate to an extent. And when i went up, my form teacher was saying i did well, but well compared to my class average is nothing compared to islandwide average. So it didnt comfort me a bit.

He gave me a stack of booklets and stuff, and the result slip was in between. purposely 1.
I slowly drew it out.
Looked at the first result.
Ouch! first blood! 3 points alr.
I expected an A for that one...
Looked at the next one below...
Ouch! another 3! Double the pain!
And the more i looked the 'wounds' deepened.
Cos as i add up my results, my score gets worse.
This is unlike PSLE, where more is better.
In total, there was 15 points.
Yet another heartsinking moment cos i dont qualify for ANY of my choiced JCs.
But, i found it really weird.

Heres my results.
ENGLISH - B3
PRINCIPLE OF ACCOUNTS - B3
COMBINED SCIENCE - A1
COMBINED HUMANITIES - A2
MATHEMATICS - A2
FOOD & NUTRITION - B4

I was in total disbelief. I expected an A for both english and F&N, maybe accounts too. Science wasnt much of a surprise, but humans and maths were. a pleasant surprise.
When my parents saw the results, they said to each other, "are we looking at the correct result slip anot?"
heres a quick look back at my prelim result and a comparison.

english - a2 (-1)
POA - b3 (0)
F&N - b3 (-1)
science - b4 (+3)
maths - d7 (+5)
humans - e8 (+6)

So heres the ranking from best to worst comparison
PRELIM ...........O LVL
1. english ..........science
2. POA ..............humanities
3. F&N ..............maths
4. science ..........POA
5. maths ............english
6. humanities ...F&N

Its totally out, la! a complete shuffle! im kinda at loss of words at that.

The best explaination for my results...
English compo wrote out of point in the first half. the compre.. was quite hard.
Accounts.. i tot still got time, so i do carefully and keep checking. Then i found i made a big mstake and gotta do serious correction. wasted alot of time. then not enough time to do section B. At least 15 marks worth of qns went down the drain, totally blank. And i could do them!!!
Humanities ... i didnt know how to really do source based for SS until after prelims. And i didnt complete studying my geog syllabus until after prelims also.
The science papers were easy cos alot of ppl did well. so.. may not imply that im good at science.
F&N - must be the coursework! Im conifdent for the theory paper. coursework must have been real bad. blame my teacher for submitting mine without letting me make amendments.
Maths ... God helped me. haha.

So anyway, evry1 was saying my results were either 'not bad', 'good' or 'very good'. But to myself its under satisfactory. Im not the only one. Some girl got 12, better than me by 3, but she was crying really sorrowfully as she talked to sum1 on the phone, cos she wanted to go NJC.

The first ppl i showed my results to were Quack and smallboy, aka sumsong. Then i dwelled among a crowd of enthu result-comparers. Some sec4s also crowded around to take a glance at their senior's results. Then i went to a corner to call my mom, then i smsed my results to a special 3 people who smsed me earlier expressing their concern and encouragement.

I looked at the results of one of my classmates who used to be my good fren. His first 3 subjects all scored a C6. Upon seeing that, i jokingly told him, "wah, 666 sia. satanic results. haha."
He usually takes that kind of jokes well, but he just told me to shut up. i guess the results werent satisfactory to him either. (L1R4 - 20 points)

I didnt stay long to compare results or wadever. On the way out, my humanities teacher (who always liked to pick on me) asked me how i did for humans. I showed her my result slip, reminded her how badly i did for prelims, and told her, "i remember u told the class b4, for those who dont do well in prelims humans, theres no way they can suddenly do well in o lvls. Now because of me, u cant tell that to your future students anymore! (sarcastic laugh)" Then she replied, "well, i did say there were a few occasional miracle cases which proved me wrong."
Wow. that means im a miracle case. haha

I left with my 2 frens to go KFC at clementi. There it was packed with a large bunch of Nan Hua students. They all talked among themselves rather cheerfully. Lucky them. must have all got good grades, i guess. 2 of the girls played with water at the sink just next to our table, and accidentally splashed some soapy water into Quack's shrooms burger. And poor him had a phobia of eating soggy bread. haha.

I reached home at about 5. I felt so exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally. But after a short 20min rest, i was suddenly OK again. I went online MSN and the moment i logged on i was asked on my results. So i talked to quite a number of ppl... those who asked my result, older ones whom i seeked advice on how to continue from, and continued comparing results with those i didnt get to see earlier.

My results arent satisfactory and that was quite a big blow to me, but God gave me a strong spirit such that after the dampening, i was still able to stay cheerful during the time in the school and a while after i left and came home. But as the day went by i somehow had this progressive depression and by night i felt really frustrated, lousy and kinda depressed. A weird feeling. And then my cell leader called and spent quite a long phone call patiently talking to me about my results, JCs and stuff. And it made me feel better. I thank God for people like her, actually.

At 11+, there was call for dota game. unusually late time to do so, but we got the game started anyway. And while waiting for players, jeremy blurted out that i got 15 points... that left me confused cos i did not tell him. So i asked who told him, he said Kaimin. And I didnt tell Kaimin either! So i guess... it must have been joanne told kaimin. But whats so interesting about my score that ppl want to spread it?...

Anyway, for now ill just dont think so much, try for CJC, and if i dont and even an appeal doesnt work, then i know that God wants me to go poly. Hard thing to swallow, but i will be alright wherever i go.