Major Defeat

Alas, just when i was about to accept my O level results and be contented with it, i am once again filled with bitterness over it, this time more than before.

I was awaken today by a phone call. An anxious caller on the other end told me that his sister, who got 1 pt better than me, did not make it to CJC.
The alarm bells rang real loud in me. I made a quick check on my posting result in case of a miracle, that somehow i do get in, but no. no miracle. i am posted to singapore poly, tourism n resort management.
And so he told me that we must hurry to CJC to appeal, cos its 1st come 1st serve, and i did not delay any longer before setting off.

At CJC, there were already a long row of appealers. I peeped at the application form of those in front and behind. they were 13, 14 pointers who did not get in. Chances look bleak to me.
There are just too many ppl who did well for O levels this time, choking up all the spaces in better JCs and leaving none for me.
Because of good results for A levels from CJC students, the cutoff point dropped to 11 for science, 12 for arts.

I later made my way to SRJC to make a second appeal. Yes i know its one of the worst JCs, alongside Yishun and Innova, but im left without choice. I really do not want to go poly. I have been so expecting to make it into JC, that a switch now would leave me mentally badly unprepared. Even at SRJC, 14, 15, 16 pointers came to appeal. Yet more competition.

To all those who believed i could make it into CJC, Thank you, and sorry for disappointing you.

I tried my best, but even my best is still not good enough.

Gone is my excitement of getting into my new school.

Gone is my drive to own the A levels

This event has proven my inferiority. A major defeat, and most of all, a severe damage to my self esteem in relation to studies. It seems that i have just that much potential.

Though not a tear i shed, it does not reflect how much this depresses me.

But i dont need anyone to comfort me. I hate being pitied.

Time will heal me, hopefully... With God's help.